The Happy and the Not-So-Happy Things of CNY

Happy things like looking at my adorable preschool cousin who is probably the 'main attraction' at my 外婆家 and eating prawn crackers. The happiness when I finally won a round of Monopoly Deal for the first time. When I had the chance to barbeque food for the first time ever despite having been to barbeques. And the first ever lohei there. And writing '世界和平' on the 孔明灯/许愿灯 that we flew and hoping it would reach to the very top of the night sky and be fulfilled.

When I was young, I used to look forward to CNY because of angbaos and the chance to play with my cousins. But in recent years, I realised angbaos no longer hold much significance to me anymore. My family is the only one that is living in Singapore so ever since I was young, my aunts and uncles and grandparents would give extra angbao money to my sis and I. As a kid I was happy, because it simply means more money. I would be a little sad when my mum took some of my angbao money to pack them into angbaos and give them to my cousins.

But to be honest I don't like the fact that I get more angbao money than other cousins. Residing in Singapore doesn't mean I'm any different from my cousins. Neither does it mean I'm better and I deserve more. I do not. If I were my cousin I wouldn't like it too. To a 9-year-old's mind, angbaos mean money.

But to my current state of mind now, it is a matter of obligation --- because of your seniority, because you are working, because you are married. I don't think the act of giving angbaos started out as a matter of obligation. It started out as a symbolism of blessings and hope that the receiver would be well in the new year. How many of those angbaos you received are really from the bottom of their hearts with the hope that you will be blessed?

I do not know.

If you ask me how much angbao money I got last year, I don't know. If you ask me again how much I got this year, again I will say, I don't know. I gave all of them to my mum for safe-keeping and I didn't even open a single one.

I hope all the angbaos that I received are all from the bottom of their hearts.

And as the sky lantern slowly drifts up the endless night sky, I hope for world peace. From the bottom of my heart.

:)