are you that kite, waiting for the flight?

So apparently I promised to update my blog these few days but I didn't. I had ideas, but I didn't type them out. And you know why? Because my brain has limited storage space. And I think I shall just keep my notebook/diary with me to jot down whatever ideas I have to blog.

And I am aware that I have a blog title totally irrelevant to what I'm going to type. :/

---

What is one of the things you do when you first get home without anyone at home?

Okay, apart from taking off your shoes, switching on your fan/aircon/lights and maybe washing your feet, one of the most common thing to do is to switch on your TV. I do that too, because somehow rather it gives me that sense of security, even if nobody's home except for myself. To me, the images and sound of the TV tell me that there is actually 'somebody' with me, even if it means the actors acting or the reporter reporting news. It just fills that sense of emptiness with people's voices and pictures.

It's kind of the same thing like when you're alone and you blast music and think that you are safe. Or hiding under the blanket and thinking that it would protect you from anything.

Hmm. Insecurity.

Until 0000

The day where I got the most wall posts on Facebook,

The day where I got the most notifications that were not spams.

The day where I got the most unread messages in a day,

The day where my wish was granted ever since donkey years ago when I made it.

The day where I said the most 'thanks'.

This day this year, it is different.

Different because the feeling is not the same.

Different because I knoww I really gave my best to run for yesterday's x-country.

Different because I am glad that I am still alive, breathing.

Different because I learnt to appreciate more.

I will never forget what Mr Boh (my P6 maths teacher) said.

You have until the end of the day to be happy, to be sad.

And today, I am happy.

Happy Birthday.

Wow that's a great amplifier!

I seriously can't stand it when my mum starts amplifying about whatever little things I do and threaten to not let me go Marryatville.

First she started doing her great job of amplifying by first telling relatives + family friends how I cried my eyeballs out and tried to convince her to let me go to Marryatville. To me it is something that I do not wish to let anybody know apart from my family because I was the one who cried, not her. And I seriously think there is absolutely no reason as to why she has to tell people this.

And then she starts amplifying on little mistakes that I made.

"If you don't even wash the dishes at home, how can I let you go to Australia where you are living in other people's house?"

"How can I be assured that you will not wake up late or be a joke when you don't even know the reporting time for tomorrow's cross-country?"

And every single time she says things like this I get very irritated. I don't see why she has to link every single thing I do to Marryatville. It's not like I won't wash the dishes at the host's house or something. It's just different when you're at home and when you're overseas/camp.

Seriously, I sometimes wonder if all these tears are worthwhile. I'd rather just stay in Singapore and not face all these freaking excuses and 'no-links'.