It makes me sound like such a shameless and shallow bitch. Gosh.
But come to think of it, it's just my way of redeeming the self-worth that I have lost along the way. Somehow they just evaporate when I hear certain things or when I see certain things and it takes more effort to get them back than having them just evaporating away.
Yes yes, so as I was saying, I feed off compliments. More like compliments toward the things I do than my appearance of course. (I am not a shallow bitch and it's not like people compliment my appearance lol.)
So a few days ago I was feeling really down and useless because I didn't want to study any more. My results are also slipping and I felt unmotivated because I didn't have a clear goal. Every time I feel like this, I take out my sketchbook and....
Look.
I see my progress in drawing. When I first started drawing Rui En as An Xiaoqian with a mechanical pencil after doing portraiture during art lesson, and then doing a few more before making a breakthrough when I did the drawing of Rui En as Hu Xiaoman after I got myself proper pencils. (The previous drawings immediately seemed like crap.) I swear I was so proud of myself. I know compared to people who can do digital portraits like this and amazing deviants like her I'm probably nothing but still.
And you know what, it's such an amazing feeling to have your idols hold your drawing. Honestly.
But the compliments-fishing part came in after that when I drew Qing Feng.
Forget about Facebook. I was so happy when people 转发 my 微博 (kinda like retweeting) and gave comments (both compliments and points to improve), and also really glad when people replied to my post on the Sodagreen fansite forum. And it makes me equally happy when I think about it too when I feel horrible. *sobs*
There there, my self-worth comes waving to me and asking me to get it.
Drawing is just one of the things that I feel that I can actually do (and can I say... well?) and it does give me a sense of satisfaction when I churn out stuff like these. But I have to constantly keep in mind not to let my ego be fed too much because the drawings really aren't that 像 if you keep staring at it. (Trust me, I do.)
PS: On a sidenote, it might be possible that I fish for compliments for my drawings because I don't get them for other areas. ;p
PPS: Go ahead and think I'm egoistic if that's how I appeared to be from this blog entry. :|
