Thoughts recorder

Yea, I wish I can have one of those. It's like I'd always have conversations or blog drafts in my mind and I'd debate with myself and think about what to write for a new blog entry. But when I start typing it out I can't remember any. My thoughts just get lost in my mind and I can't find them anymore. I sigh.

And especially for an easily distracted person like me, I just forgot what was my aim of typing this entry. Really, damn it. I wanted to blog about CNY, then I wanted to blog about dreams, then..... I can't remember.

Let's do it one at a time then.

Chinese New Year was rather boring this year... and of course maybe everyone's mood was somehow affected by what happened on Christmas.... which I'd rather not say. All I did was just eating and doing homework and playing iPad. I didn't even gamble this year.

Hmm. Next one is dreams ya?

I was reading The Alchemist when I came across this.

"It's what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny."

Which set me thinking about my destiny.

Y'know I was thinking, maybe I should just go all the way for art. Or music. Or acting. It's difficult to choose one because I love all of them, but yes I was thinking, maybe I should really just go forward to pursue a career related to art. Like digital media or graphic design or something. But that's the thing. Is it practical? I don't want to live off my parents then and I don't want to be worrying about my meals everyday.

That's the mysterious force. Practicality.

Because of this I started thinking if I should pursue a career in a completely different field, one that can allow me to earn a good sum of money, like accountancy or something. And then have arty stuff as the secondary one.

I really don't know you see. I wish the things I like were practical enough. If I loved maths or science I wouldn't be worrying about this now because I could study econs or accountancy or engineering. But why does everything I like have to be not practical. I like to draw, I like to sing, and I like to act. None of which are practical to be honest. But all of which are things I love dearly.

Sigh. I think this is the worry of all those who loves to draw.

This. Fear. Inside. Me.

This sucks.

How many times do you actually hear Zi Lei saying that she's worried about the homework that she's not done.

Damn it.

Don't know how I managed to live through this 2 months holiday without actually doing anything productive. (Well except for one drawing that I did.)

I'm starting to feel this fear that I'm the only one who didn't do much homework. OK FTS I'M DAMN SCARED NOW LA.

For the past few days (or weeks or months) I've been doing pointless things like checking Twitter and FB and Weibo for my idols' (Currently 4 of them, with the latest one being Qingfeng. *starry-eyed*) and now into Sodagreen forums and PTT. WTF you say. Yes WTF have I been doing. Gosh I don't even know what I'm typing right now. I guess this sounds a bit uh.... off-track. Or something. Oh whatever.