摇到外婆家 Part N

It's N because it's a variable because I don't know how many times I've been to my wai po jia.

Hmm I think this is going to be a slightly longer entry than my previous ones. Provided I can remember what I wanted to type...

So this trip to wai po jia was mostly about my dear youngest cousin Wan Ling. Everyone just goes 'Ah Baooooooooooooo' (it's what everyone calls her). And she's totally into the Talking Tom app in my sis's phone. She will say whatever she sees (like bottle, fan, window, etc) and then the cat will repeat and she starts laughing. For some reason she loves giving the cat milk. When she doesn't want to drink milk herself.

Oh and my uncle (aka my cousin's daddy) brought my cousins, my mum and I to this hotspring thing at Pekan Air Panas. And I was constantly jumping around when I first stepped into the pool thing because the water's hot. And I started floating around in the water.... because I don't know how to swim. (But then again, the pool's quite shallow so you can't swim also la). And then the lights in the female washrooms were switched off (on purpose I think, to make people leave at around 7) and then we had to change with light from phones.

And then dear Wan Ling started vomitting. Probably due to all the screaming when she was asked to shower a little.

And she continued to vomit even a day after. Sigh.... But the thing with her is that she's totally back to normal after vomitting. She continued to laugh at Talking Tom like nobody's business.

And I retrieved a small little piece of my childhood again this time. Like listening to nursery rhymes and songs and watching The Backyardigans (surprisingly it was quite nice) and Doraemon. And looking at my cousin laugh.

On a sidenote, I had this dream last night (or was it the night before?!) that someone in my family (I can't remember who) bought me a DSLR. And it was only less than $10 because of some promotion. And then the person bought a Nikon D4000 (Nope there's no Nikon D4000. There's a D3000 and D5000 and D40 and D400 but no D4000.) when I wanted a Canon. Then we went to the store to change the camera. And I woke up wondering if there was really a DSLR promotion which was that cheap. And wondered if I really had one.

See?

My inner self is telling me to get a DSLR. (And I want a film camera too!)

One of the things that I definitely want to fulfil before I leave this earth. Like how I want to learn to play the piano.

Guess I'll be back in the reality where I don't even own a camera and the only instruments I know are the recorder and erhu/gaohu (which I've probably forgotten long ago).

Sigh.

Bubble of electrons

That feeling,

of being alone,

in a crowd.

Earphones in,

music on,

play.

Bubble forms,

noises gone,

chatters silenced,

all I hear is music.

I wish,

someone,

somewhere,

somehow,

the bubble,

would pop.

And I wont,

be alone.

Words

I guess we're always somehow affected by other's words and actions.

No matter how hard we try not to care.

I just got called a cheapskate (no I'm not blaming the person) when my friend asked if I wanted the packet tomato sauce (because the auntie gave it to him and he didn't want it) and I accepted it (even though it's with Meiyu now cos I forgot to take it back).

I do not find it cheapskate at all because it's food. If you don't take it it's just going to end up in the bin. It's something that people have made an effort to produce for you. Be it the tomato farmers, the factory workers. And obviously it's not just food, but everything else.

But anyway my main point is not about how we shouldn't waste food (although it is true that we shouldn't), it's how other's words and actions can affect us. How those words can make us do things, and how those words can prevent us from doing things.

If I had cared, I would not have taken the tomato sauce. And it would have been in the bin by now. Is that what I want to see? A packet of unopened tomato sauce go to waste?

I don't know about you guys but I have read this story of a frog who climbed up to top of the tower when every other frogs gave up halfway.

Because the frog was deaf.

He couldn't hear the words that the animals watching said. He couldn't hear the discouraging comments. He didn't care.

But those discouraging comments made the other frogs give up. That's the power of words. To drive someone to his death or to give him hope.

There are things that I regret not doing because someone else's words affected me. Can't exactly name one now, but I guess, everyone has.

To hold it just right, and let it take flight.

HEYLO EVEREEBARDEE

I realised I haven't blogged even though EOYs ended for quite some time already. Yes, I really do not know what to blog about nowadays. It's always these pointless entries about me not blogging or something like that. Sigh.

Okay why not blog about what I intend to do after EOYs/during the holidays?

Hmm.

I want to...

draw. I haven't drawn for a long long long time. Apart from my foolscap doodles that is. I'm like, working on a cartoon drawing of Xiaoman holding a gun, but I seriously don't know how to draw the face. The head/hair/body is done but the face............. I intend to draw a portrait of Xiaoman but I am lazy. HAVE TO LET MY NEW PENCILS START DRAWING SOON.

shop. Argh I want more clothes for Christmas/CNY/holidays!!! More flowery prints pleaze.

eat. Ohmigosh I want to have that ice cream at Haji Lane again! Frolick! Bak chor mee! :O

idolise my idol. Duh. But I'm gonna see her on the 30th anyway. Holidays = rewatch-her-dramas-time.

read. Yea I mean read. My wish of reading Harry Potter a second time had not been done ever since I was like, P5 or something. I PROMISE.

I can't think of more things to do now. Shall update this list when I think of 'em.

你的朋友 我的朋友 朋友？

I guess the word 'Friend' is too difficult to define. Or rather, the word is easy to define but it is the definition of a friend that is difficult to define.

My Longman dictionary says a friend is someone you know and like very much and enjoy spending time with. But of course it's not that simple as all of us know.

I once posted this reply for this topic of To you, What is the definition of friend? in RBKD's forum:

I think friends are the people
who will understand how you truly feels,
who will give you personal space sometimes,
who will stand by you when something bad happens.

But I think the more important one is that they should never lie to you.

I'm starting to think it's more than that too. I definitely think a friend needs to know how you really feel. But's it's not that easy anyway. I doubt anyone would really know how I feel. Apart from myself.

Hmm, I think space is a must. I don't see the point of going to the toilet together, eating the same food, doing every single thing together. I don't see why I should compromise just because a friend wants it. (Eg. I won't go into the same CCA with you just because you are my friend and you want us to be together.) Because in the end if you don't like it it's your problem, not hers. Because she likes it. And I absolutely detest people that gets angry just because you went for lunch with another friend. Stuff like that. Or something like 'Oh I don't like her so I don't want you to like her' sort of thing. Urgh.

As for the third one, I don't expect.

I believe mutual trust is the most important. I don't expect friends to tell all their secrets or anything like that, but just don't lie. I think trust is the most important for any kind of relationships. Something that keeps a relationship going on.

-

To be honest, I don't know if I have friends. Or whether people regard me as a friend.

Sometimes there are way too many restrictions. Too many expectations. Too many imperfections. Too many things that keep us apart.

朋友？