Invi(n)s[c]ible

Thoughts recorder

2012-01-29T01:26:00.000+08:00

Yea, I wish I can have one of those. It's like I'd always have conversations or blog drafts in my mind and I'd debate with myself and think about what to write for a new blog entry. But when I start typing it out I can't remember any. My thoughts just get lost in my mind and I can't find them anymore. I sigh.

And especially for an easily distracted person like me, I just forgot what was my aim of typing this entry. Really, damn it. I wanted to blog about CNY, then I wanted to blog about dreams, then..... I can't remember.

Let's do it one at a time then.

Chinese New Year was rather boring this year... and of course maybe everyone's mood was somehow affected by what happened on Christmas.... which I'd rather not say. All I did was just eating and doing homework and playing iPad. I didn't even gamble this year.

Hmm. Next one is dreams ya?

I was reading The Alchemist when I came across this.

"It's what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny."

Which set me thinking about my destiny.

Y'know I was thinking, maybe I should just go all the way for art. Or music. Or acting. It's difficult to choose one because I love all of them, but yes I was thinking, maybe I should really just go forward to pursue a career related to art. Like digital media or graphic design or something. But that's the thing. Is it practical? I don't want to live off my parents then and I don't want to be worrying about my meals everyday.

That's the mysterious force. Practicality.

Because of this I started thinking if I should pursue a career in a completely different field, one that can allow me to earn a good sum of money, like accountancy or something. And then have arty stuff as the secondary one.

I really don't know you see. I wish the things I like were practical enough. If I loved maths or science I wouldn't be worrying about this now because I could study econs or accountancy or engineering. But why does everything I like have to be not practical. I like to draw, I like to sing, and I like to act. None of which are practical to be honest. But all of which are things I love dearly.

Sigh. I think this is the worry of all those who loves to draw.

This. Fear. Inside. Me.

2012-01-02T19:37:00.000+08:00

This sucks.

How many times do you actually hear Zi Lei saying that she's worried about the homework that she's not done.

Damn it.

Don't know how I managed to live through this 2 months holiday without actually doing anything productive. (Well except for one drawing that I did.)

I'm starting to feel this fear that I'm the only one who didn't do much homework. OK FTS I'M DAMN SCARED NOW LA.

For the past few days (or weeks or months) I've been doing pointless things like checking Twitter and FB and Weibo for my idols' (Currently 4 of them, with the latest one being Qingfeng. *starry-eyed*) and now into Sodagreen forums and PTT. WTF you say. Yes WTF have I been doing. Gosh I don't even know what I'm typing right now. I guess this sounds a bit uh.... off-track. Or something. Oh whatever.

大人，小孩；珍惜。

2011-12-24T01:26:00.002+08:00

嗯，大概一個星期前我去了外婆家，讓我發現了一件事。就是啊，其實大人和小孩的想法真的很不一樣。可能是因為人長大了，社會化了，很多小時候有的純真都漸漸失去了吧。就比如說，我四歲的表妹把布丁弄得稀巴爛的。她說這樣攪攪攪，布丁就會變成粥。那麼大人們當然是說，別再攪了，很噁心。

可是問題來了。如果我表妹不覺得噁心呢？可能在我們成人的世界裡，被弄爛的布丁很噁心，那如果在小朋友的世界裡，布丁不管怎麼樣都好吃，可能水水的，更好吃。為什麼要以大人的角度去評論一個小孩子的行為呢……

---

話說回來…看到我的外婆已經老了，心裡還是有點涼涼又酸酸的。真的希望能好好珍惜回外婆家的時光。有時候在外婆家，還是會想起我的外公，想起他常常坐在涼椅上看新聞，想起我媽夾菜給外公，想起他對我說我聽不懂的海南話，想起我沒有好好珍惜那些時光，還有那些每次聽我媽提起的事。每次想起，心都還是很痛，很痛。我後悔沒有緊緊抓住躺在病床上的外公的手。我清楚記得，是他抓著我的手。我知道，他並不想放手。

把上面那些字打出來時……我已經哭了。

真的希望我會學會珍惜，也希望你們也能學會珍惜。

沒有什麼事是永遠的。人也一樣。

:')

Off my mind

2011-12-02T02:24:00.004+08:00

Have been wanting to write a blog entry for quite some time but I keep procrastinating, and after a while, I just forget about what I wanted to write. Especially when I'm multi-tasking and the Blogger tab gets ignored because I was busy refreshing Twitter/Facebook/Weibo (to see if my idols just updated something), watching YouTube videos (I just paused a video to type this out), playing Chrome apps (Waiting for my buildings to build in this game called Dragons of Atlantis) and probably reading something else (like the passages in my 作业) as well.

Hmm. While having a shower just now (Okay, not really. About 3 hours ago.), I was thinking about the ATC camp last week or so. And then I was thinking, it has been a long time since I did a little monologue and wrote our own scripts for drama. That day I was telling Ter Shien, "Whoa so long never do this already leh." Oh well, it really was a long time. Oh and I volunteered to go for a tech training together with some juniors who are in tech and some who are not. ATC is really lacking a tech person right now after the seniors left. And I actually haven't had any tech training (except keeping wires and a prior experience of pressing the spacebar for the lighting & sound cues).

Okay moving on.

I'M GOING TO SEE 插班生 TOMORROW! For this 插班生《10年100大音樂會》The Freshman Music Showcase at Crazyworld Cafe! They'll be having a song list longer than that of any event they've had! Which totally spells FUN. And I will be giving the birthday card that I had drawn for Cee, (Which personally I think is quite nice lor. [不要脸]) Anyway if you're reading this and you're interested, there are still tickets for the showcase! Check out www.crazyworldcafe.com/cbs!

Next.

Oh I want to say, 青峰 from 苏打绿 is really really really cute! I can't exactly say why he's really cute to me but he just has this cute thing about him.

This video is taken really well and in high definition. Gosh, such pleasure to watch cute Qingfeng in fullscreen~ This is one of my favourite song in their new album too!

(Whoa. It's already 2:17 AM.)

By the way, other than a DSLR which I've been wanting to get since a year back or something, I want to get a keyboard too. :( Good thing it doesn't cost as much as a DSLR does. Problem is how I am supposed to tell my mum that I'VE BEEN WANTING TO LEARN TO PLAY THE DAMN PIANO AND I WAITED UNTIL NOW AND I WANT TO GET A FREAKING KEYBOARD AND IT'S NOT VERY EXPENSIVE SO YES I'M GONNA GET IT. And if my mum strikes lottery or steps on a lump of gold on the ground or notes flew from the sky, I want to get all of the above and a wacom tablet too. Haven't really thought of how I'm going to put it to good use but I guess it's a good thing to have for doodling on the computer and playing iSketch.

Yea that's about it.

(I need a proper ending to this entry.)

Goodnight..

噢我的偶像。

2011-11-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

哈咯everybody！

我突然很想说，还没有Like插班生的Facebook快去Like吧！！！！

她们很努力，很认真，很可爱，唱歌也很好听！
所以我很爱。:)

很喜欢她们的spontaneity～

很爱很爱的cover。是这个esplanade showcase之后我疯狂repeat的。

Like完了，顺便去看一看她们的
网站：http://thefreshman.com.sg/
Twitter：http://twitter.com/ChaBanSheng
http://twitter.com/Diyatangugu http://twitter.com/carrieyeo
Youtube：http://youtube.com/user/TheFreshmanager

外国的月亮不一定比较圆，那里的草也不一定比较绿。Local talents不一定比较差。

Okay，报告完毕。希望看到这个blog entry的你们也会和我一样，喜欢她们，支持她们。<3
:)

舞台上的聚光灯

2011-11-13T21:21:00.001+08:00

Dee在插班生的部落格上发表的一个blog entry：http://thefreshman.com.sg/2011/11/15/新加坡金曲奖2011/
---

昨天去看了新加坡金曲奖。

插班生进场然后坐在嘉宾席那里的时候我好兴奋。艾薇提到插班生的时候我也喊得好大声。被自己的声音吓了一跳。当然前排的人好像也被吓到了。不过我开心。即使艾薇/插班生可能也听不到。

看到她们坐在第二排，就知道……大概不会赢了吧。

虽然插烧包们坐在不同的地方，不过听到有人喊，心里还是挺开心的。至少插烧包们还在啊…至少，还有人喊。而我也是其中一个。

知道分散的插烧包们，力量有点小。下次一定要一起喊！我也想做插班生的板耶。（动手做的）至少让别人看到有人支持她们嘛。

其实我去看金曲奖，真的只是为了她们。还有林宥嘉吧。可能有一部分是想让她们知道还有我们这群插烧包们支持啊，即使没有赢。

难免有那么…一点失望。我知道其实包主很在意。:'( 也不奇怪啊，谁不想入围拿奖？不想被肯定？说不在意也是假的吧。一定有那么一点点。

其实心底真的很希望很希望很希望她们的努力被看见的那一天。那一天，她们会站在大大的舞台上，时刻变换的彩色聚光灯打在她们脸上。很美，很美。台下是很多很多的插烧包们，在静静地聆听她们唱歌。唱完了，回荡着的是掌声，还有她们的歌声。又或者，没有大舞台和聚光灯，就一个小小的地方。她们和插烧包们一起大合唱。然后有种…暖暖的感觉。

这样就够了吧。

（怎么我越写越想哭啊……）

现在很想给插班生一个抱抱……

一定要加油啊，插班生。:')

爱你们的插烧包。

我是一颗球

2011-11-02T18:08:00.001+08:00

[跳走]

2011-11-02T08:21:00.001+08:00

I've had enough.

Sick of acting like I don't mind sitting alone.

Like I don't bother.

Like I'm all cool.

Like I have no tears.

I swear I could just break down and cry in front of everyone.

But I tell myself I can't. I can't.

只是我骗得了别人，骗不了自己。

我是一颗不破的球。

2011-11-02T00:00:00.000+08:00

So fucking apt.

Why act like I have friends when all I do have is company? Hold on a second, do I even have company? Why do I even act like I don't bother? No, nobody likes to sit alone at the back of the class. But I see no point in sitting with other people when it feels like I'm not. Just to look a little less pathetic.

Now as you recall looking at this Zi Lei sitting alone at the back of the class looking all cool and... #foreveralone. Not funny.

And so I wonder.

是逞强或坚强？

逞强。
---

Maybe one reason I go chasing idols is because I can take my mind off matters like this. For that moment when I scream and shout all I think of is them. I don't even feel as invisible in front of my 偶像s as being around my so-called company actually.

Anyway my friend took a really nice picture of 插班生 last Sunday and I just edited it and made it into my wallpaper. I think it looks good man.

---

Invisible. But INVINCIBLE!!!! *flex non-existent arm muscles*

2011-10-22T01:33:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I hate myself so much.

So. Darn. Much.

Hate myself for saying the wrong things at the wrong times. For talking back to my mum. For being annoyed by my mum's good intentions. For being rude. For being angsty. For not managing my anger. For making my mum unplug my internet cable. For making her angrier than I am. For making her feel like she was a failure in raising her (useless) daughters. For not doing housework. For getting bad results. For not showing concern.

For.... not being my mum's good daughter that she could show to the neighbours and friends and relatives.

Wow.

I fail(ed). Not just the A.Maths EOYs but so much more. I fail at being her good daughter. I failed at being a good friend. I failed at being a good student. I fail at being an ATCian. I failed at so many freaking things, I wonder if I am a failure.

Making my mum feel like she failed at raising her daughters and making myself feel like I failed at being her daughter too. I hate being a failure like this. I hate myself at times like this.

There's so much negativity here.

I'm outta here.

滞

2011-10-13T21:47:00.001+08:00

哇。考完試的我竟然空闲到不知道要做什么。现在的我，很想出去走走看看。当然不是这个时间啦。是说，想找一天出去逛。也不是逛街。是无目的的走。新加坡说是很小，不过有好多地方没有去过哦。最近地铁环线又开了，可能去走走吧。或者... 坐在某个街上的长椅，观察人群。常常会有这种冲动，可是却从来没有真正去做过。唉。

嗯... 应该利用时间好好练习画画。哦还有要认真跟朋友学钢琴。希望考试成绩不要太差，不然我的相机梦也会和钢琴一起飞走的。好想好想买一台相机啊！！

双刃＂手＂

2011-10-09T00:20:00.001+08:00

手和剑一样，都是双刃的。

刚刚把一包饼干给打翻了。不知道为什么我突然手软然后把饼干倒出来了。不过这让我想到一件事应该很难忘记的事。

话说，我从小就被我妈和姐叫做破坏王。凡是到我手里的东西都不会有什么好下场。不是坏掉就是被我弄不见。我也不是故意的啊，可能就是手很多，想知道如果我这样那样，东西会不会坏之类的。不见东西这个情况也非常严重。过后（去年）还被我姐说是Terminator。

所以有一天心血来潮，就在手腕上写了＂JINX＂。大概是6，7岁吧，不记得了。小时候就知道是什么意思，因为电视剧常有人会骂扫把星，4＂然后subtitles就是写jinx。那时后我真的觉得自己是个扫把星啊，不是弄坏东西，就是不见东西，搞到全家不爽。

记得那天刚好一家出去吃饭。没错的话我那天的心情就是emo。不要以为小孩子不会emo hor。过后手上的字被我姐发现，她就叫我跟妈说那是什么。不过我忘了他们的反应。大概是随便骂了我几句吧。没有想像中那种＂宝贝女儿啊你为什么要这样想＂的温馨场面就对了。不过其实我本来就想要让他们看到的啦，只是就算要seek attention也不要太明显，所以是有一点在演戏的。不过情绪是真的okay？

有时真的会怀疑自己......的手。不明白为什么东西都会坏在我手上。为什么我一天到晚都不见东西。

手这东西真的像一把双刃剑。能创造，但也同样能摧毁一切。我希望我的手是拿来画画，做动作，一些我喜欢的事。不是拿来terminate的。

话又说回来，我弄丢的东西好像还真多。最多的应该是文具，水壶这一类的。哦还有绑头发的和夹头发的。

还有最近弄不见的计算机。哎。:(

多一个偶像？！

2011-10-07T23:58:00.004+08:00

【詞曲/吳青峰】

揚起了灰塵回憶裡一場夢
那照片裡的人瞳孔曾住著我
闔上了過往夢境活成河流
已滋潤了身旁真實中的脈搏

生命來到窗前不吭一聲拎走了我們
誰為情所困誰為愛犧牲誰比誰深刻

當時奮不顧身伸出我的手
看見了輪廓就當作宇宙
甜美的習慣變成生活才瞭解了什麼

如今故事發展成就一個我
學會了生活能享受寂寞
劇烈的語言變成溫柔又帶來了什麼
若是不曾走過怎麼懂

翻飛了往事有時灼傷眼眸
那傷人的台詞現在聽來輕鬆
平息了心思有時一笑而過
我此刻的樣子見風仍然是風

生命吹過面前不吭一聲劃成了掌紋
揮霍了緣分看透了景色我懂得深刻
---

最近爱上了苏打绿的青峰。

如果你有发现，上一个embed的video是苏打绿上上一张专辑的歌。然后何韵诗的青葱的词也是他写的。

一直都知道苏打绿的存在（毕竟小情歌在我小学时是多么的红啊），只是当时不是很喜欢那种band的歌，比较喜欢个人或组合。记得有个小学同学很喜欢苏打绿特别是青峰。不过那个时候我只知道青峰的头发颜色一直在变，一下粉红一下绿色。

现在开始发现他真的真的很有才华。写的曲都很好听，很有他的特色，歌词很美，很有意境。就连写的字（video的歌词都是他手写的）都好美啊～歌声也与众不同。更何况他酱可爱！谁不喜欢啊！！这样有才华的人哪找啊？！

不过我要说的是，他有一点点的激起了我对华文的兴趣。（刘老师完全抹杀了我对华文的兴趣。-_-"）因为他写的词真的很好。（虽然有时候我会不明白）

Anyway，上面这首喜欢寂寞我很喜欢。可以一直重播一直重播然后跟着唱。（因为青峰vocal range对男生来说比较高，所以我都能跟着唱～）

新专辑应该快出了。一定买。
---

不要问我为什么偶像越来越多。这世界有才华的人太多了。我喜欢的也很多。

[By the way, 我把刘老师给的一篇关于崇拜偶像之风的范文给扔了。我严重怀疑是刘老师自己写的。不然就是某个老师写的，因为笔迹有种很老的感觉……重点是，文章令我感到非。常。不。爽。不是每个人追偶像都是疯狂的okay？！]

追什么？

2011-09-17T19:53:00.000+08:00

大概几天前吧，迪雅在插班生的部落格上写了一篇文章。

http://thefreshman.com.sg/2011/09/12/%E5%AE%9E%E7%8E%B0%EF%BC%8F%E5%AE%9E%E9%AA%8C/

读完了很想哭。有完完全全地道出我这几年的感受。

“这是我的遗憾。我虽然算是一个late bloomer. 五年前才发现自己原来能够在歌唱这领域里做些什么…但一直就希望有人提拔，有人带领。
没有。”

“所以说，年轻人…不要太自大！不要以为时间还很多！要做的赶紧去做！人生是你的！学到的一些技术，才艺也都是你自己的！没人能拿走！如果觉得自己在某一方面很有天份，努力去着机会把它练成翔龙十八掌！”

“要努力，要付出，要相信。

我们不能够和别人比较，或怨家人不提拔我们…我们都是聪明人，要自己走出自己的路。”

如果用我喜欢做的一件事来代替，大概就是我想说的了。小时后我很想很想学钢琴（其实现在还是想），不过我家也不是算很有钱啊，上课要钱，买架钢琴也要钱，所以学钢琴这一回事一直都是一个梦想。会羡慕那些可以学的人，也很讨厌那些有机会学又不喜欢学的人，把那个机会让给我不是更好吗！

家里唯一的乐器（除了recorder以外），就是一台非常小的casio keyboard（重点是，它也不是我的。是我父母中马票时买给我姐的）。好像只有20多个键，然后可以换不一样的声音。从很小的时候到图书馆借music book，用1234567来弹小星星，到我会自己figure out喜欢的歌的主旋律，我发现其实我还蛮有音乐天分的。虽然说起来有点不要脸不过我是这样认为的，毕竟我小学的CCA是华乐团，也很喜欢和我姐一起唱歌（很小的时候。唱屋顶还有那些花儿之类的）。不过再怎么会弹歌的旋律，我还是没有学过，也不会什么chords。而且keyboard最多一次只能弹两个key，chords最少也要三个leh。

不过我从来没有告诉我妈。因为知道不可能，而她好像也觉得，我会弹旋律就代表我会弹钢琴，虽然事实根本不是这样的啊。弹钢琴是用两只手弹的，不是随随便便弹个主旋律就叫弹琴。唉…… 爸妈的朋友有问过我妈要不要钢琴，因为他们好像有多一台还是什么的（他们花了很多钱送女儿去学钢琴和买钢琴，现在她是钢琴老师了)。当时我也在场，心里也在拼命的喊“我要我要我要！！你们不要，我要！！”，不过我妈拒绝了。因为屋子不大，我也不会弹。我就…眼睁睁地看着一个大好机会在我面前飞走了… 飞到现在也没飞回来啊。

我像迪雅一样也知道，如果我说出来，如果我坚持，如果现在我的房里有一台钢琴，或许我现在已经会了（以现在科技发达的程度，看youtube videos也应该能学点什么吧）。

不过像我上一个blog entry所说的，我已经迈出了非常小的一步。

等考试过了我有好多事情要做哦。

---

话说回来，其实我还真的蛮希望会有人栽培我。一直都在寻找我喜欢/有点天分的东西。其实到现在都不是很清楚长大后要做什么。我喜欢画画，不过画也不是画得很好。画画能当饭吃吗？喜欢演戏，不过以我这种程度也不可能去当电视/舞台剧演员啊。我也喜欢唱歌，不过我可以很肯定地说，有很多人都唱得比我好。有时兴趣和实际之间真的很难取舍。

昨天和几个同学在班上和级任老师聊天。同学问老师，如果可以选，你会选择你有兴趣，但是薪水不高的工作，还是没有兴趣但是薪水高的。老师说那就要看薪水多高，还有没有兴趣的那个工作有多糟糕。很难选！当然是要有兴趣的工作才会让自己快乐，不过如果薪水不高，没有什么钱，也不会快乐。

昨天也有去做那个ecareers.sg的东西。说不定我可能以后会去做allied educators (counselling)或者是美术老师之类的。薪水也不错leh。以后如果变美，去当空中小姐也不赖hor？说真的，我真的不知道我能做什么。不过我直觉告诉我，应该不是那种坐在办公室朝九晚五的工作。

那你，想到要做什么了吗？ :)

A step at a time

2011-09-07T23:45:00.001+08:00

Finally.

My little baby step towards my little dream. Before I'm no longer a little kid at heart.

Anyway it's rather comforting to know I'm working towards my dream since I was little, no matter how small this first step was.
---

作詞：吳青峯
作曲：史俊威

今夜的月光超載太重
照著我一夜哄不成夢
每根頭髮都失眠

天空他究竟在思念誰
是不是都和我一樣
揮不去昨日甜美的細節
才讓今天又淪陷

你現在想著誰有沒有和我相同的感覺
固執等著誰卻驚覺已無法倒退
曾經想一起飛在自己心中蓋了座花園
把你的一切都種在這個地點
卻像魚守在裡面

今夜的月光超載太重
照著我一夜哄不成夢
每根頭髮都失眠

天空他究竟在思念誰
是不是都和我一樣
揮不去昨日甜美的細節
才讓今天又淪陷

你現在想著誰有沒有和我相同的感覺
固執等著誰卻驚覺已無法倒退
曾經想一起飛在自己心中蓋了座花園
把你的一切都種在這個地點
卻是魚守在裡面

不管要多少時間多少眼淚多少落空來等待
不管你是不是會回來
其實我也不明白為什麼如此傻傻地期盼
你是我僅有的愛

你現在想著誰有沒有和我相同的感覺
固執等著誰卻驚覺已無法倒退
曾經想一起飛在自己心中蓋了座花園
把你的一切都種在這個地點
像條魚守在裡面
守著幻影葬在裡面

circumstances

2011-09-03T01:32:00.004+08:00

有时候真的是身在福中不知福。再聪明的人，如果因为家境不是很好而无法升学，最终也只能老老实实地替人打工。很多时候，当我们想问：“为什么你当初不去做这个，不去做那个“的时候，或许他们真的是环境所逼吧。如果聪明，又有机会读书，谁会不想呢？我爸妈读的书都不多，不过妈妈告诉我其实他们都是会读书的，只是家里没什么钱。我昨天也在看关于阿富汗的视频。那里的女孩子要冒着生命危险去念书，因为极端分子不时会在学校放炸弹什么的。我有机会读书，我应该珍惜不是吗。

2011-08-25T20:07:00.000+08:00

青蔥

詞：青峰
曲/編：pan
監：何秉舜@goomusic/hocc@goomusic

小時候說的話你記得嗎
我們描述不遠的未來要變成太陽月亮
你現在實現了嗎還是跟我一樣
偶爾抱著沮喪睡著了嗎

我們都不知道蔥會開花
只懂得欣賞每頓晚餐永遠配角的綠光
人生從來沒答案理想從來有偏差
完美本來就包含瑕疵啊

鏡子中驕傲的臉龐帶著些許憂傷
成熟外表下純真的心沒變化
童年的幻想長大後的尷尬
看清自己的模樣

如果再活一次會怎麼樣
生命中走過的日子裡想回到哪段時光
自己是一面鏡子越細看越明白
就讓氣味在黃昏裡擴散

鏡子中驕傲的臉龐帶著些許憂傷
成熟外表下純真的心沒變化
童年的幻想長大後的尷尬
看清自己的模樣

鏡子中微笑的臉龐帶著些許昂揚
成熟內心中默默地開滿了花
童年的玩耍成長的不漂亮
都是自己的模樣

2011-08-21T15:17:00.000+08:00

Oh gosh this is too awesome. I'm going to sing with my kid when I have one. :)

stagnation

2011-08-20T13:10:00.000+08:00

People around me are changing. Changing for the better. While I'm still in this seemingly perennial state of stagnation.

They are becoming prettier. Smarter. More talented. And just generally better.

Wasn't my resolution to be better person? Then why am I still stuck here in this land of quicksand that threatens to devour me the longer I stay unmoving? Even the nearest tree seems to be out of my reach now, let alone the neverending stretch of quicksand in front of me.

Perhaps it's time I did something to get myself out of this. They're getting out of sight soon.
---

2011-08-10T02:31:00.000+08:00

This. Is. Torturous.

Absolutely.

The moment I switch on my computer, I have the urge to Google about DSLRs. And the more I read, the more I want to get one. Damn.

I've set a goal for myself, to get top 3 overall, then ask my mum (for the sake of asking) if I could buy one either with my own money or if she wants to pay for half or something, I wouldn't mind. I guess it's time to get myself something bigger other than the usual happy food like corn cup and oreo. But the thing is, I SHOULD BE SPENDING TIME WORKING HARD TO GET TOP 3. Instead of reading up about DSLRs, which should come after achieving my goal.

Oh dammit this is so torturous for me. I've been reading up a lot since the start of the year or somewhere there, but it wasn't as intense as these few days of weekends + national day holidays. Been thinking about whether to get a D5100 or a 600D. (Google totally doesn't help here.) And then I started to read up on lenses too. (After knowing all the ISO and shutter speed and stuff like that.) Still don't quite get how lenses are priced (some of them are so damn expensive), but have roughly decided on the focal length of the ones I'm probably gonna get. YES AND IT'S TORTUROUS when you know quite a lot about the camera BUT YOU CAN'T GET IT. Yet.

Trying to achieve the 望梅止渴 effect but failed because I'm now as thirsty as ever after stimulating my tastebuds.

Constantly counting down to when the results for EOYs come out. Oh and actually even if I don't get top 3, I'm still going to ask my mum. Maybe I'll just feel disappointed with myself but that's it. The desire to get a DSLR was merely a motivation for me to procrastinate less.

On a not-very-to-the-side side note, I dislike people who can get a DSLR so damn easily and yet doesn't make a good use of it. Like using it to camwhore in the toilet and take pictures of themselves with the toilet bowls as the background. Good thing DSLRs aren't very convenient to take self-shots because of it's weight and placement of the shutter.

---
WAIT FOR ME.
---

Oh and this song, is really really nice.

idolising

2011-08-07T11:19:00.002+08:00

something I don't know if I could continue doing for a long time......

how many people have sworn to love their idols forever, but have forgotten them in just a few years, or even months?

I shall be realistic.

my mum has told me not just once, that she also used to have idols, but now... not anymore. and said mine won't last too. I said, it'd last for a long time. definitely.

I am certain my idols will never do things that would make me dislike them. (like things that are not morally right.) so the problem lies with me.

as of now, I love them a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot and yea you get the idea.

but what if that feeling fades? just like how my love for certain things did too?

I hope it doesn't. (it happened to be 11:11 a minute ago.)

they are definitely talented and lovable people. the thing is just whether my feeling fades. when I don't feel excited anymore. when I don't get starstruck anymore. when I get used to seeing them.

the distance between idols and fans... exactly how close should it be such that fans are connected, and how far should it be such that fans don't get too used to their presence?

these questions have been troubling me for quite sometime, when I asked myself if I'd still love chabansheng as much after a year, while writing the letter to myself at the gathering.

I hope one day if I stop loving them as much, this blog entry would remind me of the very reasons I love Rui En and ChaBanSheng now.

那個...

最初的感動。

2011-08-05T22:47:00.001+08:00

Really really looking forward to my NDP performance together with the three talented peeps.

YES I'M SINGING!

Perhaps a part of me has always longed for recognition. For people to know what I'm good at. Not fame, just recognition. To those who don't know how it feels like to perform, they find it lame. But I don't mind. :) To be given the chance to stand on stage and do something I like a lot, and at the same time gain recognition, I think it's an honour. I guess I've always liked the stage. Maybe I won't be the best actress or best singer and definitely not the best dancer on stage, to perform on stage, that's what matters. I hope to be a good performer.

Have never liked how everyone has a label. Like this person has a good voice, oh that guy likes to eat, that little girl at the corner can draw really well. Yes, it makes people be recognised for their talents and everything else, but that only applies when they show it. What about those people who have never had the chance to? What would be their label then? Would their label be 'quiet', 'shy', or would they not even have a label?

Not that I want to be labelled. At least just a little mental note for people..... that I can sing..... not too badly.

Singing is just one of the few things I can do.... I THINK.

Anyway, it thrills me to just hold the microphone. Let alone SING.

Oh and I think Ling Kai is really cool. With an awesome voice.

Same but different

2011-07-09T00:38:00.001+08:00

I miss the sec two drama class. Miss Lee, the people, the small class size, the activities, the games, the outing, and most importantly, the acting.

My lack of good vocabulary probably can't express how much I miss all these... Everytime I head for CCA, a part of me knows it's different. It'll never be the same as being in the drama class, and acting. One of the biggest regret in my entire 15 years of life is really to not take drama. And it wasn't because I don't want to. It was because I thought nobody else wanted to. How silly.

I feel like, no one ever sees my ability to act or something. To be honest I don't even know if people act in ATC. Not the movement stuff but more acting y'know? Too large a group to see the potential of other people. It's always the same few that goes up, the same few that hides at the back. (Which includes me at the back.) It was so different during the sec two drama classes. Everyone had a chance to act. Everyone.

From my screwed up piece about being a teenage mum (oh dear I forgot her name) to the better ones. From being dejected to encouraged and all. I blame my goldfish memory, for not being able to remember more things. Things about things I love. Damn.

Never, never the same.

Listen to the absolute silence

2011-06-21T00:07:00.005+08:00

The trip to my grandma's house made me think quite a lot, especially about the importance of listening. I guess my aunts and uncles (and my mum) were just born to be loud, and casual conversations ended up as a messy environment of misunderstanding, repeating and occasionally shouting. Nobody bothered to listen, and all wanted to get their words heard. I don't know if it's their way of conversing but to me, as a listener most of the time, it makes me wonder why the importance of listening is not realised by majority of the people.

By listening, you digest the information and reduce chances of misunderstanding which means the person doesn't have to repeat (again) and nobody gets fed up of repeating or not getting it. Perhaps I'm starting to understand the purpose of thefreshear movement. It was just a really small thing that I did, and I learnt. Plain speaking and no listening doesn't help to get your point across. It's a mutual thing of listening to other people and have others listen to you.

Okay next.

On the way home, my cousin asked me who's the person I wanted to defeat for the upcoming exams so we talked about subject combinations etc. Then she asked me if I had thought about what I wanted to be when I grow up. And I was like, damn. That's probably one of the biggest question mark in my life as of now. I had wanted to be a teacher, a nurse, a social worker, an astronaut, a policewoman, an engineer, an air-stewardess, an actress, a singer, a designer of some sort and the list goes on and on.... with 80% of them being impractical, probably because of my own inability. And my (impractical + dreamy) future career options increases with the roles my idol takes up. Yea, like the teacher/socialworker/policewoman/engineer/designer part. Hahahahaha. Oh and I told her my biggest regret of not taking O'level drama.

Big, big, big regret. My (lack of) vocabulary can't put this in words.

Next.

Told my mum (who can't seem to remember it) about the upcoming gathering with 插班生, and that I hope I won't have CCA on that day or I'd have to rush down. And then the conversation digressed to my mum and her (past) idols (her generation kind) and then back to me supporting my idols. So they were saying that I wouldn't be supporting them 5 years from now or even earlier. And said that the chances of 插班生 getting more well-known is low (which got me pretty pissed actually). I can't say for certain that I would still like them (插班生 + Rui En) this much 5 years from now, but I know that fans are what makes the difference now. It doesn't matter how long it takes, really. To quote Rui En, "不管别人怎么说，你是可以的。只要你努力。" She worked hard to achieve what she has achieved today and I believe 插班生 can do it too. It's just a matter of faith. I'll wait for that day. :) And I'm really excited about the gathering!!!

Okay, time for some midnight snacks to fill my growling tummy before I sleep.

short update!

2011-05-21T17:15:00.002+08:00

My blog has been collecting virtual dust recently. Just, urgh. Since I titled this as a short update I shall update you guys a little about what's happened.

Hmm,

I bought Yoga Lin's album,

I drew ChaBanSheng for the first time,

I got back most of my results for SA1,

I put down my name for the Ande's Got Talent for Chinese songs.

Okay that's about it.

Yoga Lin's album is really awesome, my drawing of ChaBanSheng is pretty much horrible, my results aren't too bad, and I am not very confident of winning the competition.

Oh and me no like it when people say I get good results even though I don't study much. Because firstly, my results aren't exactly very good, and secondly, not studying much doesn't mean I didn't pay attention in class or anything, so I still did put in hard work, just maybe not enough.

K BYE.

Make the act of helping a past tense, not the thought.

2011-05-14T12:31:00.000+08:00

1439 Minutes of Silence

2011-05-06T20:11:00.006+08:00

For the Fresh Ear Movement by the Freshman.

(太。可。爱。了。)

Hmm why not 1440 minutes (24 hours)?

Because my mum made me 破功 by calling to tell me to eat my breakfast/lunch,

and she asked me questions like "How did you cook the cheese sausages?" and I couldn't just say "Hmm."

Oh also someone who called the wrong number and made me 破功 for nothing.

So an estimated 60 seconds of 破功-ness. *shakes head*

That of course doesn't include me singing along to the songs on the radio/tv/computer. *sniggers* That's something I can't not do totally because it's like a natural reaction to familiar songs. But since I think singing alone in the house is not a form of communication, it should be allowed. Hahahaha.

I think this experience would have been more interesting if it was on a school day. Then I can really write/draw on paper and not talk. But today I'd been staying alone at home and I don't even have anyone to talk to except my mum who wants me to 破功 very much. 真是的。

---

The 24 Hours of Silence
(In words because I can't talk or tweet.)

20:11
Panicked before and after the clock struck 20:11 because it feels like
I'm going to lose something very important. A feeling like when I'm
rushing to finish the exam paper! MAJOR PANIC!!! *shaky hands* (I
don't know why but it feels like when I've told a lie and I can't
admit! Horrible!!!) Gorging on my dinner because I want to talk badly!

20:41
Have not been talking for 30 minutes!!! A bit more comfortable with
not talking now. Couldn't explain why I'm doing this when my sis and
mum asked.

21:41
Wanted to ask my mum to help me grab my bottle from the table, only to
realise I'm not supposed to talk. I guess being silent means being
less lazy because I can't request anything without spending the effort
to write words. *sigh*

22:03
Have to keep reminding myself that I'm not supposed to talk because
talking (probably without thinking) is a natural reaction to things
around us. PERSEVERE.

22:13
Nothing much to do because I can't tweet/fb/SMS/talk and checking for
updates would make me feel worse. Mum thinks I'm mad. “她今天sot了，因为她的偶像说不可以讲话，只可以聆听，所以你跟她讲话他不会应你的。” I should go watch the freshear movement video again. And hopefully study.

01:11
Watched the Noose online and I have the urge to tweet about how funny
it is!!! But cannot. ARGH LuLu is too funny!!

02:24
I want to tell Elaine this kind of "有苦说不出" feeling but I
can't! Gah. It's like I cannot tell people my feelings about not
talking because I cannot talk. I need to expresssssss..... myself.
About 18 more hours to go!

08:32
I think my "tweet-about-everything-I-do" kind of Twitterattitute is
hmm...... making me want to tweet. I realised my Twitter is actually
full of meaningless things. Good to have a tweet diet as well.

09:45
Nobody's at home. Having the urge to talk to myself again but
noooooooooooooooooo. Integrity is important. I shall not talk. Okay
I'll admit that I sang along with the song playing on 93.3. A
leeeeeeetle. And hummed songs..... But my mouth is closed!

11:54
Watching Animal Cops! This has absolutely no link to the Fresh Ear
Movement but I think people who rescue animals are really admirable.
Oh and kittens are cute!

12:53
Not using my mouth to make noise = more focus. I can't sing along to
songs! But I guess songs sound better without my voice.

13:07
Mum spoiled my 24 hours of silence because she called me.

14:51
破功了 because someone called my phone. AND it was a wrong number.
Make me 破功 for nothing.

17:38
A bit bored now because I don't want to study. Replayed the video many
many times already but they're still cute.

---

Okay now for a summary of what I've learnt/realised/discovered when one is stopped from talking.

1. Most of my tweets are meaningless.

I had the urge to tweet about every single thing I did. It's good that I didn't do that 24 hours.

2. I could't be lazy.

Wanted to ask my mum to do all the little things that I was lazy to do but couldn't.

3. My mum thinks I'm mad.

Mad about my idols.

4. I couldn't share my thoughts with anyone.

So. Suppressed.

5. It's difficult to decline requests.

All I can say is "Hmm."

6. 我破功了。

---

安静。

用心，

聆听。

很难过。

有说话和没说话，

都是一样的。

想起我说过的话，

想起我的话不被理会的时候。

今天，我尝试聆听了。

可是明天，

又有谁愿意聆听我？

fallen barricades and an inspired me

2011-05-04T18:20:00.003+08:00

---

When rain poured from the sky,

and barricades fell on the cars by the parade square,

I stood there and did nothing,

but tell others about this seemingly interesting sight.

And there was this boy who walked out into the rain

Alone.

Struggled to move the barricades away from the cars,

and walked back to the canteen.

Drenched.

When things were busy stopping me from doing the same,

the heavy barricades,

the drenched clothes,

the power of only one,

the chance of catching a cold when there's a paper tomorrow,

and even the (small) chance of getting struck by lightning,

he forgot it all.

---

And then I wonder why this action didn't come to me naturally. I was just surprised that the rain actually made the barricades fall, but the act of actually going out in the rain and move the barricades didn't occur to me at all. Not at all.

I ought to reflect.

pre-speech day

2011-04-13T20:38:00.002+08:00

the speech day performance for efl is just tomorrow, and to be honest I'm not as confident as I was last year.

when I saw one of my junior tearing over the fact that their commercial scene got cut off today and she was only left with the dance finale, I felt for her. it was the combined effort of her group that built the commercial from scratch. no matter how not good it was.

speech day IS a big thing for the sec ones every year because it's the first performance they have as an atcian. sort of like the campfire night during orientation where people showcase what they've learnt for the past few months. it is a special piece of memory in every atcian who was once a sec one student.

it's a pity the sec ones joined us so late. they had to put up a performance without actually undergoing proper training.

back to the point, I felt really sad to see her cry. to be honest I was already on the verge on tears when I saw her cry and when I talked to Mrs Goh about it. when I was sec one, I started without a role too and I knew how she felt, maybe not exactly the same but definitely similar. when I was sec one and being trained for speech day, I wasn't given any role and was put in the costumes and makeup. I was as sad as she was. at that time we had to keep a journal sort of thing and do reflection after every lesson. I vaguely remember reassuring myself by writing that being the crew is as important as the cast because one can't exist without the other. fortunately I still got a role in the end and all went well.

this time again, I see someone who reminded me of myself two years ago.

I seriously hope all would go well tomorrow and on Friday because THIS, would be what the sec ones would remember for a long time, at least in their secondary school years.

Everchanging

2011-04-08T22:45:00.003+08:00

It's been a year since I acted as Grandma for Speech Day 2010.

And now I'm still so excessively involved in Speech Day. Is that compensation?

Distant feeling when the results came in. There wasn't me anyway.

Everything still feels kind of surreal now.

The changes in a year.

Everchanging.

How much are you worth?

2011-03-27T18:51:00.002+08:00

How do you gauge the value of something?

The monetary value? The things you can buy with the value? The number of people who wants it? The amount of happiness it can give? Your dreams that it can fulfil? Your goals that it can help you reach? The number of footsteps it will bring you closer to the something you longed for?

It varies.

How much is that worth? How much are you worth? How much am I worth?

The $4000 that people are paying for the UK trip, to me it's not worth. (Just saying. Don't want to go anyway.) Because it lasts for 10 days, and with the money I can buy a camera which would last for a long time. It probably wouldn't make me very happy since it's not something I want. It doesn't fulfil my dreams, doesn't help me reach my goals. And it would mean that my parents would have to fork out money. So to me it's not worth. But for the people who are going, it means an experience, worthy.

I wonder how much I am worth. It's probably a very self-concious question to ask.

2011-03-17T22:42:00.002+08:00

Oh gosh I can't believe how long I abandoned my blog.

Just a little busy these days and nothing inspiring. Or perhaps it's the alternatives I have over blogger. It's like I can update something as a facebook status, a tweet, a tumblr post, my diary, my ipod notes, and then my blog. And maybe my frog, doraemon or my bolster. The number of alternatives available are overwhelming. URGH.

As of now, I just like to update on my tumblr.

Today is so awesome it deserves a blog entry

2011-02-28T19:28:00.002+08:00

Starting a day happy makes the entire day happy. And it's not just true for my case, it's wayyyyyyy too true. Because for the entire day today, I got happier and happier and tonight I shall sleep while smiling. Yea.

The day started pretty ordinarily with my ordinary bread as breakfast. Got a little happy because my mum made braised eggs and I was going to bring one to school. And yes it was delicious.

Then I used my iPod to check Twitter and Facebook updates. And guess what? Carrie liked the drawing that I uploaded on Facebook. I mean, what are the chances of your idol looking at your drawing and pressing the 'like' button? And as usual I started to hyperventilate in the middle of the classroom and laughing hysterically to my iPod. I'm trying to make it sound as not fangirlish as possible. But you can probably imagine me doing it.

Oh and the rice I ate for recess was really really nice. I ordered chilli fishcake, cabbage, and ikan bilis with assam curry on the rice. It was so delicious I swear it was the bestest food I've ever had in school. Better than mushroom noodles, BBQ chicken, mee siam and whatsoever. I wouldn't have wondered about what to eat for recess/lunch if I knew it was this nice!

Also got back geog paper and I am pretty satisfied with my score even though that Abhishek who sits beside me got 33/35. But I'm not Abhishek so my score is good enough.

And the CCA sessions that gets better and better. I like how ATC employs external directors. It means a new start. New beginning. But I'll leave it to my next entry about it. Hahaha.

Another thing to be happy about is that 159 wasn't crowded today!

And when I got home and went online to check for updates again, Diya liked my drawing too! You can't imagine how excited I was!

I want to draw a portrait of them but one unhappy thing today is that I still haven't found my pencils. I've been searching high and low in all the possible hiding places of my pencils but to no avail.

O Pencils, Pencils, Where art thou? *dramatic thunder sound cue*

Inky cells

2011-02-18T20:13:00.002+08:00

Can someone please grant me some inky cells?

So that I can express myself with more 墨水?

I can't believe I came up with this. It totally shows how not inky I am. I get so jealous when I see people write really captivating compositions/essay. Have never been able to write any artistic-sounding compositions ever since I could write. My brain has never been able to turn images into descriptive stuff nor churn out creative story lines. My compositions are always so damn clichéd with limited vocabulary. No wonder I disliked English ever since I was young.

Teachers have always told me to read more books to improve my command of the language. But seriously. It's about absorbing how authors write books, and I always read those teenage novels. Which are uhm, not really that good for composition-writing. And by the way, I think that was a sentence fragment. After learning about sentence structure, I realised my old blog entries are filled with fragments.

My inability to express myself is becoming a _______. (Damn I can't think of a word to put in.) My love poem to my idol fades into the shadows when I see some other poems like some tragic fantasy and a Romeo & Juliet one.

Someone grant me some inky cells please!!! English or Chinese also can lah! :(

插班生迷你音乐会

2011-02-11T20:18:00.004+08:00

Hmm shall do a short entry about The Freshman Mini Showcase I went with Elaine at the Esplanade.

I asked my mum for permission the day before the performance, while my mum was frying prawn crackers. I didn't really have high hopes that she would allow me to go (it was on a Wednesday) so I just said okay when she said no. But I decided that I must go because it seemed to be really awesome from the rehearsal video they uploaded. So I went home straight after school and did my homework so that I'll have another extra point to convince my mum. And she allowed. Huahuahuahua.

Walked at amazingly fast speed on the way to the outdoor theatre because I was going to be late and it's 插班生!!! Who would want to miss their performance?! They started singing 逞强 not long after I settled down on a good spot and took out my camera.

(You can watch the other vids I uploaded here. Even though the quality is horrible la.)

Sorry it's really wobbly and that they went out of frame a few times because I was turning behind to look for Elaine.

Ok it's the first event I went to that they sang sooooooo many songs. 7 songs for each slot if I didn't remember wrongly. And I stayed for both slots. But it's worth it, even if I get slaughtered by my mum!!! They sang so many songs and many were those they normally wouldn't sing at events, while some were not their songs!

Favourite tracks of the event:

1. 逞强

2. 除了爱你还能爱谁. I already love the version they sang on the streets of Taiwan in the video, but the live one was even more lovable! Heehee.

3. 承认 by Carrie. The song isn't in my era but it's a classic. I know the song!

4. Que te pasa by Diya. Funny song.

5. 1924. It's the first time hearing it at an event! 有点小忘词 but it was still good. :)

6. 愚人码头. Also not in my era but have heard it before. I like I like.

7. 红鞋女孩. CBS dancing leh!!! How can I not like it!

8. 回忆，这东西. The song that got me to love CBS.

Okay so the whole performance was something like this. Oh ya I forgot to mention, after the performance, they stayed a while to autograph the albums that were bought there. And the very-high-and-fangirly me couldn't resist walking to the side of the stage to see them up-close. Wheeheeheehee. After signing on all the albums they were starting to leave.

The still-very-high-and-fangirly me said to Elaine, "Oh my gosh I wanna say bye to them la oh my gosh should I should I should I???" in such a fangirly tone. Ooops. They walked a distance and then I couldn't resist being a shy fangirl anymore and so I stretched out both my hands and said 'BYEEEE!!!!!" with this uh very huge smile plastered on my face.

Google images

Okay maybe not so much. But still.

Carrie then said bye also and she shook Elaine's and my hands while saying Happy New Year!! Heeheeheehee. Diya who was further back thanked us for staying for both sets.

And I left and (insert journey home), and reached home at 10.30pm feeling ecstatic and euphoric etc (for more words with the same meaning, refer to the English handout).

---

Still feeling very high and fangirly now. HUAHUAHUA.

The Happy and the Not-So-Happy Things of CNY

2011-02-06T17:32:00.004+08:00

Happy things like looking at my adorable preschool cousin who is probably the 'main attraction' at my 外婆家 and eating prawn crackers. The happiness when I finally won a round of Monopoly Deal for the first time. When I had the chance to barbeque food for the first time ever despite having been to barbeques. And the first ever lohei there. And writing '世界和平' on the 孔明灯/许愿灯 that we flew and hoping it would reach to the very top of the night sky and be fulfilled.

When I was young, I used to look forward to CNY because of angbaos and the chance to play with my cousins. But in recent years, I realised angbaos no longer hold much significance to me anymore. My family is the only one that is living in Singapore so ever since I was young, my aunts and uncles and grandparents would give extra angbao money to my sis and I. As a kid I was happy, because it simply means more money. I would be a little sad when my mum took some of my angbao money to pack them into angbaos and give them to my cousins.

But to be honest I don't like the fact that I get more angbao money than other cousins. Residing in Singapore doesn't mean I'm any different from my cousins. Neither does it mean I'm better and I deserve more. I do not. If I were my cousin I wouldn't like it too. To a 9-year-old's mind, angbaos mean money.

But to my current state of mind now, it is a matter of obligation --- because of your seniority, because you are working, because you are married. I don't think the act of giving angbaos started out as a matter of obligation. It started out as a symbolism of blessings and hope that the receiver would be well in the new year. How many of those angbaos you received are really from the bottom of their hearts with the hope that you will be blessed?

I do not know.

If you ask me how much angbao money I got last year, I don't know. If you ask me again how much I got this year, again I will say, I don't know. I gave all of them to my mum for safe-keeping and I didn't even open a single one.

I hope all the angbaos that I received are all from the bottom of their hearts.

And as the sky lantern slowly drifts up the endless night sky, I hope for world peace. From the bottom of my heart.

sun and the air-con

2011-01-22T13:40:00.001+08:00

as meiyu says, my blog is always about how people look and me, how I look at people, and how people look at other people. and I have no choice but to agree because it's a fact.

yes. I care about how others look at me. but lesser of how others say of me though.

which is why I constantly remind myself how not to look at other people.

I'm learning. learning to be a better person. learning not to hurt.

Open your eyes

2011-01-13T23:09:00.001+08:00

just wanted to do a blog entry because of things that have been circling my mind. it's been a busy week and to be honest I just gave up doing homework today simply because I didn't want to. and I'm pretty aware of the fact that I didn't start the sentences with a capital letter because it doesn't turn on automatically and I'm lazy. and YES I do know that I shouldn't be so naggy on my own blog and especially when I'm supposed to sleep and not blogging with my phone.

just wanted to remind myself and you guys to open our eyes all the time and see, not just see what we are seeing but seeing what others are seeing and probably how people are seeing ourselves too. or in other words, not be self-centred and see things from different perspectives.

I admit that sometimes I think I'm better than others in this or that way. or at least that's what I think so. but sometimes it's not just how we see ourselves. what if the whole world thinks you're not? so are you...... or are you not?

sometimes I see a person and I say to myself, nah that person's worse than me (in a certain thing). but when the everyone else thinks that that person is better, is it the opinions of the bystanders that are the fact, or is my opinion the truth?

sometimes we get so blinded that we forget how others can actually be better than us. we forget that we are not the best. we forget that perhaps the majority always wins. we forget how the truth is not just defined by us, but also by the million other people.

I hope to open my eyes after I wake up from my sleep...

Euphoria 2011

2011-01-08T19:54:00.004+08:00

Four days of the secondary one orientation (also known as Euphoria 2011) as an OGA for the second year. And also the last year because I can't be an OGA when I'm in secondary four. Which is kind of sad because I will miss cheering and screaming with the adorable sec ones.

But one thing I've always regretted as an OGA is that my peer classes have never won anything during the campfire night. Be it 1/1'10 or 1/3'11. And I sometimes blame myself for that because I don't know how to dance and I'm definitely not good at coming up with creative performance ideas. Almost all the classes this year had an OGA/OGL who knew how to dance. Like Afiq, Yijin and Qinglin who isn't even an OGA. The rest of the classes who didn't have had someone who knew how to dance in their classes. (Even though it's ALL K-Pop.)

And talking about K-Pop, I was totally bombarded by Korean songs yesterday. There was Sorry Sorry and Gee and Hoot and Run Devil Run and another one which I didn't know.

I'm starting to run out of things to write for this blog entry actually........... Oh yea Ivan and Pu Qian just acknowledged me as ah mah yesterday for no apparent reason. First thing that came into my mind is 'I got so chao lao (look very old) meh?!' Okay I think the answer is yes. *insert expressionless face* One of the sec ones also asked if I was in secondary four. And then I asked her if I looked that old, and she said I looked about the same as Kelly (who is in secondary four).

I think I need to 认老 already.

Yea and my two grandsons (Note: grandSONS) kept doing the 'Ah mah~~~ 我要吃糖糖~~~~' in a very-very-very-to-the-power-of-infinity disgusting 撒娇-ing way. (晕) Those that you shake your body (okay I really don't know how to describe this). But I like!!! Entertainment value super high because I never fail to burst out in laughters!

Ignore my ugly hair and my shortness..........

Serangoon Swing 2011 with RBKD

2011-01-01T22:26:00.006+08:00

Hello everybody!!! The first day of the year will be over in about 5 minutes and I really hope to finish this entry by today. Okay so I'm typing really fast now without actually bothering too much about my grammar and lack of vocabulary.

---

Serangoon Swing 2011

So yea, I went to buy lightsticks at somewhere near my house and then headed to nex to meet Elaine. And then I helped Joyce buy Candice's present and helped Candice buy our presents. And because of Candice's hallucination that there is actually a Gong Cha in nex, we went around finding it and ended up asking the customer service, and apparently there isn't any Gong Cha shop there.

Then headed to Serangoon Gardens Circus to meet up with the awesome Winx Club + other RBKD people (OH NO IT'S 12AM. :() and proceeded to our Christmas gift exchange, which was eventually not such a good idea because we had to lug our presents home in the early early morning. And I got a Doraemon cushion from Elaine, a Doraemon from Rachael and a panda towel from Joyce when I only gave them my very-sincere-gifts-made-from-very-cheap-fuse-beads. Hmm then we just hanged around Chomp Chomp while waiting for the road closure so we could queue in front of the stage. I think this entry is starting to get boring so I should just skip to Rui En's performance.

She sang 空瓶 and 白色羽毛 and obviously you and I know that she's awesome. I've really really ran out of words to describe her and her performances. She just really pretty and cute all the time la. It's really nice to see Elvin and her on the stage and chatting. (I support Ruivin.) Hehe.

I guess the more important part of the countdown was the RBKD spirit. To be honest, we only got to see Rui En on stage for perhaps 10 minutes. But we got to be with RBKD for the entire day (especially those who went at 8am) or night. We got to queue with RBKD, we got to eat with RBKD, we got to scream and shout with RBKD, we got to do so much things that we don't get to do with Rui En. It is about spending so much more time with RBKD than watching Rui En's performance yet feeling that it was definitely worth it.

Okay back to the countdown. I really love the RBKD Train despite doing really embarrassing things like holding the RE board the wrong way. But it was fun how we didn't care about what others would think of us, be it being crazy, or even people on CWO.

---

The way home

It was horrible. My mum already started nagging on the phone when we reached the bus stop at 1.30am. There is actually many buses I could take to go home if not for the late timing. The only bus service still available was 315 and it goes to Serangoon MRT. So quite a number of us went took the bus and went to Wendy's at nex to have a drink. By the time I left with Kahyin it was almost 2am. (more nagging here.) And fortunately (uh, not really) the train service was extended so I took the train to Bishan, only to discover that there was no more train to Toa Payoh. So I went to ask the officer at the MRT if there are still bus services going on. He said only NR1 which has an interval of about 20 minutes. (more nagging + me convincing that I won't get kidnapped or something) So I waited for at least 40 minutes and that bus didn't even come. In the end my mum just decided that she would walk towards the Bishan MRT with my cousin (she was somewhere at Bishan sending her friend off) while I would also walk towards my house, so we would meet halfway.

And this is the scariest part. I was actually pretty scared so I started singing 疼憨人 while walking alone and held my keys in my hand as a form of self-defense. And I walked past a Chinese guy, and walking behind him was a Malay/Indian man whose face just wrote 'DANGER'. He stared at me as he walked past. I was afraid that he might think I was scolding him in Chinese. And just as I turned back to check if he was just continuing to walk, I caught him looking at me (in a totally scary way that just said 'GET AWAY FROM HIM'). I quickened my pace and stopped at the traffic light. Everytime I looked back again, I could see his silhouette standing/leaning against a wall and he wasn't walking. It was as though he was looking at me (there wasn't actually anyone around that area at that time). I was sooooooooooooo afraid that he would suddenly run after me. I was only a little relaxed when I knew he was a safe distance from me and he wasn't following me. And so met my mum and cousin near a bus stop and went home. Reached home at what, 3.30AM?!

Yup so that's about it. And I swear that scene with the guy's silhouette still haunts me a little. *sigh*

---

Embarrassing moments

1. I thought Jeanette Aw was going to sing Jay Chou's 安静 when I heard the first line, when it fact it was S.H.E's 安静了. But that's not the most embarrassing part. I said very loudly to Rachael, "And it's like 安静 not 安静了 (JA said she was gonna sing 安静了) + *rolls eye at JA*.

That. Was. VERY. Embarrassing. 自以为很厉害+自作聪明=Embarrassment.

2. I was holding the board the wrong way (it faced behind instead of in front) during a part of the RBKD train. And I didn't realise it until I saw the video.

That. Was. Embarrassing.

3. I look hideous in the RBKD group photo we took on the road. I was trying to make funny faces but ended up looking 好恐怖 instead of 好笑. (Check SMN's forum siggie.)

Hmm it's 2.46AM. 睡觉时间到了. Goodnight!

Short films

2010-12-28T01:31:00.006+08:00

Was listening to Carrie Yeo's 疼憨人 (soundtrack of 12 Lotus, though I haven't watched it), and then it brought me to Royston Tan's short films. And then I got reminded of one of his films (Sons) that 黃老師 showed us and it was in "Royston's Shorts", a compilation of his works. Then started Googling and Youtubing his short films and found this.

"Mother"

But I couldn't find the other short films on YouTube! I had wanted to ask 黃老師 to lend me the DVD but I didn't have the courage to and slowly it got forgotten until today. I shall watch 12 Lotus when I wake up later. Because I like Carrie's 疼憨人 and Jim Lim's 同花順.

疼憨人

I think I was searching for some random old videos of Carrie and Diya when I came across this. And then I fell in love this song. This very emo and melancholic tune and lyrics just seem to attract me. And I just found out that the lyrics include numbers from 1-12 despite looping the songs several times yesterday and today. Haha.

同花順

I dunno why but it seemed familiar to me when I heard it for the first time (while YouTubing the soundtracks). Again, another emo song.

Oh no......... my homework........................................

Beats of the Beadies

2010-12-22T18:55:00.004+08:00

Short update! So as you guys knew, I bought a tub of PYSSLA beads from IKEA last week. And I made random things with it. You can see the photos on my Facebook. And I just completed my set of Chu Totoro, Chibi Totoro and Susuwatari (sootballs). I couldn't make the O-Totoro (aka the biggest fattest grey Totoro) because PYSSLA beads doesn't include grey ones. And I don't know where to find Hama or Perler beads in Singapore. But whatever they're still sooooo cute.

It's my second favourite, after the Holga 120CFN (I think that's the model according to Google).

Yay so that's about it. Today's a happy day (even though I haven't finished my homework)! Any suggestions of things for me to make? :)

Hairy issues

2010-12-20T00:06:00.004+08:00

I think I need somewhere to vent my unhappiness which is because of my ugly haircut now.

Like watching Fighting Spiders 2 on xinmsn and be glad that

my hair looks a tad better than Siewmai's. Or blogging. Which is what I'm doing now.

Damn. I totally regret cutting my hair shorter (or rather, by that particular hairdresser) because it now looks like a failed attempt to have Xiao-ying's hair in Breakout. And to think that my hair before I cut it short yesterday, actually had people telling me that it was nice. I really don't know what got over me to actually want to cut my hair.

Now for the hairy issues.

Hmm, so when I was young, my hair always looked like

[I'll upload the picture tomorrow.]

Until I started to have longer hair as I grew up. But it never got really long though. The longest it grew was below my shoulders. And then I remember having short hair for this period of time.

I can't believe I'm putting this pic up on my blog.

And some zi lian pics maybe about, 2+ years ago?! (So apparently it isn't true that Zi Lei doesn't take pictures of herself.) I am abstaining myself from puking. Oh gosh Zi Lei stop staring at me!

Horrifying.

Okay enough of my face. Yea so my point was that my hair has been shoulder-length + and - all this while. And now it's like shoulder-length --- (minus minus minus). And my fringe just completely CMI.

And I keep reminding myself to 看開一點. It's not that bad......................

Soundproof

2010-12-10T00:24:00.002+08:00

I think my written (and spoken) English is horrible, to be honest.

When anger consumes me and I start tearing while lying on my bed, millions of unhappy memories rushes into my mind like and snippets of these unhappy events replay in my mind. And all of a sudden I have so many things I want to say, so many feelings I want to express as words or pictures. Sometimes pictures just come into my mind and I tell myself, hmm I want to draw this out. But having a picture in your mind and creating a picture with a pencil is different. And most of the time I can't think straight when I'm angry. Or sad.

And the thing that comes after pictures are words. But my words never seem to do my thoughts justice. Lots of things I have in my brain but only to be summarised as a few sentences on my blog. It's just not right.

Sometimes

I wish my command of English was better.

I wish I could draw better.

I wish I could express whatever is on my mind better.

And I really wish someone could understand me better.

插班生-《逞强》MV

2010-12-07T14:42:00.009+08:00

Has been looping the MV these few days after it was released, and something has been urging me to type a blog entry about it. But I didn't want this blog entry to be just be telling you guys that the MV is awesome blah blah. So I went to loop the MV to try to discover little details that I'd probably missed.

(I think it looks better in full screen. This is way too small in my opinion.)

Hmm. So the MV shows the difference during the relationship and after the relationship ends. And how they try to put up a strong front (heheh that's the song title in English) but still breaking down in the end. Or putting up a strong front to try to maintain the relationship but still failing in the end. Whichever way you see it lah.

To me, Carrie is the one that tries to 逞强 after she broke up with the guy. Which explains her acting as if nothing happened when she saw Diya and the guy playing around (which probably reminded her of the times when she also did similar things with her ex-boyfriend), and when she saw her ex-boyfriend with another girl. And breaking down after they left the cafe because she couldn't continue to 逞强 anymore.

And Diya is the one who tries to 逞强 to keep up the relationship. To try to maintain it for as long as possible despite knowing that it won't keep up for long. Which is why she emo-ed in the bathroom just after happily brushing teeth with the guy. So when the guy officially asks for a break up with her, and reality (that the guy really doesn't love her anymore) hit her hard on the face, she breaks down because her attempt to 逞强 and keep up the relationship failed terribly.

Oh and I like the scenes where Diya and Carrie were thinking about the memories they had with their boyfriend before they broke up. The one where Diya looks at the instant photos she took with the guy and where Carrie looks at her birthday card that her boyfriend wrote for her. (It did take me some time to figure out those Chinese characters.)

The card writes:

爱你不敢说会到永远，
但至少会到老！
生日快乐！

And not forgetting the awesome emo scenes where Diya brushes her teeth alone and Carrie sits in the bathtub alone. And the both of them breaking down. In the bathroom and behind the cafe counter. :'(

I don't really know why but my mind has also been telling me that there is probably a significance of the strawberry cakes that appeared in the MV. And again after looping the MV, I think it kind of represents love. Not just the love though.

The first strawberry cake that appeared was during the Diya-and-her-boyfriend-playing scene. So it's something like love shared between the two of them. (On a sidenote, the strawberry cake in that scene distracted me a little because it was bouncing (I can't find a better word for that ;p) a little on the table. Hahahah.)

The second strawberry cake is Carrie's birthday cake in the MV. So it would be something like the love given by the guy to Carrie. And it was big so it was supposed to be lots of love from the guy. (Well, before they broke up.)

The third cake (hahaha I think it's a strawberry cake even though it wasn't shown ;p) would be the one that Carrie's ex-boyfriend's girlfriend orders from her. So it's kind of like the girl replacing Carrie as the receiver of the guy's love.

The fourth strawberry cake is the one that Carrie serves to Diya after Diya's boyfriend broke up with her and left. So the cake is a representation of her pity to Diya 'cos they were both in similar situations. Not the straightforward 'I-love-you-you-love-me' kind of love but more of pity and 同病相怜ness.

Oh ya and I like the words that appeared at the start and end of the MV!

Yea so to sum it all up, the MV is shot beautifully! Love it loads!!! 请支持插班生和《人生实验课》的专辑!

PS: I'm waiting for the song to be in KBox so I can go and sing~~~~ Or is it already released?

Up to you

2010-12-05T23:00:00.004+08:00

If life was fair, everyone would look the same and everyone's life would be literally the same. But of course life isn't, which is why I look like this and you look like that. Which is why there are people who die of hunger yet there are people born with a silver spoon in their mouths.

And then of course there are times I feel that life's not fair cos there's like a million of talented people out there in the world yet I'm not one of them. I know I should be satisfied with what I have because there are way more unfortunate people than me who may not have food to eat or may not have a home and being talented or not won't mean anything to them.

Argh. I do get jealous when I see talented people with looks on the TV/Internet/Anywhere. I mean, how can someone be born with good looks and talents and be rich and everything else?! (Whatever is typed in this entry is purely from the vain side of me who wants to have good looks and talents and be rich all at the same time. I honestly think it's not me who's typing.)

I have like, none of the above...

To be honest, this was what I was emo-ing about a few months ago. Because I couldn't get over the fact that I was neither pretty nor talented. But now that I've come to realise,

I do have something that I am passionate about.

Struggle

2010-11-29T23:06:00.002+08:00

逆境求存

I don't know what to use as title

2010-11-29T22:34:00.002+08:00

The more I go into gaming (or Mapling in that sense), the more brain cells I think I'm killing. Oh gosh.

I think it might be the reason why I haven't been updating my blog. I've been cooped inside my house for the entire holiday, except for a few outings here and there, some OGA training and also CCA. How can we experience life when we don't even step out of the house?! (You probably can but that's not the main point.)

It's like I have so many things awaiting me but instead I procrastinate and play Maple. Like, I have this very brief sketch of Xiaoman in my sketchbook and it has been sitting on my desk for nobody-knows-how-long. And then I have my House of Night: Burned that I read very slowly. And there's still this whole stack of Sec 2 AND Sec 1 worksheets that can probably fill up a box soon. And then the shelves beside my bed has like all sorts of things. And I haven't finished the Shakugan no Shana Season 2 that I intended to re-watch.

what sort of life is this?!

no life.

其实

2010-11-12T23:57:00.004+08:00

我在乎。

我知道我看起来是bochup的，不过其实我在乎。

有时候会发现一些事情，然后显得不在乎……可是当我真正去思考为什么的时候，我发现我在乎。我很在乎。不管是别人做的某些事，说的某些话，我都是放在心里的。我告诉自己，我不需要在乎。可是deep down in my heart, I know I do.

Which is why I get emo sometimes. And I want this entry to make sense so much. But I know it doesn't. And it's horrible to type in English AND Chinese when I had intended to make the entire entry in Chinese. It sucks and I'm in kind of a terrible mood now for no apparent reason whatsoever and I need my 插班生 songs to make me more emo before I go for RBKD chalet tomorrow.

好，我去依某了。再见。

Tiny pixels making the world

2010-11-12T23:56:00.003+08:00

I think my blog needs more colours than just black and white. Shall dig some colourful pictures from my folders.

Uhm. Sorry. No link. Third picture is not exactly colourful but I kind of miss my Tako. My mum kept it somewhere. My Takoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~

You know sometimes, I really wish I can encounter really interesting things, interesting people and interesting happenings. But the thing is that my life has been as mundane as ever. My life in the holidays is just like, sleep, wake up, TV, computer, sleep. With some games or books here and there. It's starting to get to a point where I feel useless.

摇到外婆家 Part N

2010-11-07T18:16:00.004+08:00

It's N because it's a variable because I don't know how many times I've been to my wai po jia.

Hmm I think this is going to be a slightly longer entry than my previous ones. Provided I can remember what I wanted to type...

So this trip to wai po jia was mostly about my dear youngest cousin Wan Ling. Everyone just goes 'Ah Baooooooooooooo' (it's what everyone calls her). And she's totally into the Talking Tom app in my sis's phone. She will say whatever she sees (like bottle, fan, window, etc) and then the cat will repeat and she starts laughing. For some reason she loves giving the cat milk. When she doesn't want to drink milk herself.

Oh and my uncle (aka my cousin's daddy) brought my cousins, my mum and I to this hotspring thing at Pekan Air Panas. And I was constantly jumping around when I first stepped into the pool thing because the water's hot. And I started floating around in the water.... because I don't know how to swim. (But then again, the pool's quite shallow so you can't swim also la). And then the lights in the female washrooms were switched off (on purpose I think, to make people leave at around 7) and then we had to change with light from phones.

And then dear Wan Ling started vomitting. Probably due to all the screaming when she was asked to shower a little.

And she continued to vomit even a day after. Sigh.... But the thing with her is that she's totally back to normal after vomitting. She continued to laugh at Talking Tom like nobody's business.

And I retrieved a small little piece of my childhood again this time. Like listening to nursery rhymes and songs and watching The Backyardigans (surprisingly it was quite nice) and Doraemon. And looking at my cousin laugh.

On a sidenote, I had this dream last night (or was it the night before?!) that someone in my family (I can't remember who) bought me a DSLR. And it was only less than $10 because of some promotion. And then the person bought a Nikon D4000 (Nope there's no Nikon D4000. There's a D3000 and D5000 and D40 and D400 but no D4000.) when I wanted a Canon. Then we went to the store to change the camera. And I woke up wondering if there was really a DSLR promotion which was that cheap. And wondered if I really had one.

See?

My inner self is telling me to get a DSLR. (And I want a film camera too!)

One of the things that I definitely want to fulfil before I leave this earth. Like how I want to learn to play the piano.

Guess I'll be back in the reality where I don't even own a camera and the only instruments I know are the recorder and erhu/gaohu (which I've probably forgotten long ago).

Sigh.

Bubble of electrons

2010-10-23T23:46:00.002+08:00

That feeling,

of being alone,

in a crowd.

Earphones in,

music on,

play.

Bubble forms,

noises gone,

chatters silenced,

all I hear is music.

I wish,

someone,

somewhere,

somehow,

the bubble,

would pop.

And I wont,

be alone.

Words

2010-10-22T19:07:00.003+08:00

I guess we're always somehow affected by other's words and actions.

No matter how hard we try not to care.

I just got called a cheapskate (no I'm not blaming the person) when my friend asked if I wanted the packet tomato sauce (because the auntie gave it to him and he didn't want it) and I accepted it (even though it's with Meiyu now cos I forgot to take it back).

I do not find it cheapskate at all because it's food. If you don't take it it's just going to end up in the bin. It's something that people have made an effort to produce for you. Be it the tomato farmers, the factory workers. And obviously it's not just food, but everything else.

But anyway my main point is not about how we shouldn't waste food (although it is true that we shouldn't), it's how other's words and actions can affect us. How those words can make us do things, and how those words can prevent us from doing things.

If I had cared, I would not have taken the tomato sauce. And it would have been in the bin by now. Is that what I want to see? A packet of unopened tomato sauce go to waste?

I don't know about you guys but I have read this story of a frog who climbed up to top of the tower when every other frogs gave up halfway.

Because the frog was deaf.

He couldn't hear the words that the animals watching said. He couldn't hear the discouraging comments. He didn't care.

But those discouraging comments made the other frogs give up. That's the power of words. To drive someone to his death or to give him hope.

There are things that I regret not doing because someone else's words affected me. Can't exactly name one now, but I guess, everyone has.

To hold it just right, and let it take flight.

HEYLO EVEREEBARDEE

2010-10-17T15:55:00.002+08:00

I realised I haven't blogged even though EOYs ended for quite some time already. Yes, I really do not know what to blog about nowadays. It's always these pointless entries about me not blogging or something like that. Sigh.

Okay why not blog about what I intend to do after EOYs/during the holidays?

Hmm.

I want to...

draw. I haven't drawn for a long long long time. Apart from my foolscap doodles that is. I'm like, working on a cartoon drawing of Xiaoman holding a gun, but I seriously don't know how to draw the face. The head/hair/body is done but the face............. I intend to draw a portrait of Xiaoman but I am lazy. HAVE TO LET MY NEW PENCILS START DRAWING SOON.

shop. Argh I want more clothes for Christmas/CNY/holidays!!! More flowery prints pleaze.

eat. Ohmigosh I want to have that ice cream at Haji Lane again! Frolick! Bak chor mee! :O

idolise my idol. Duh. But I'm gonna see her on the 30th anyway. Holidays = rewatch-her-dramas-time.

read. Yea I mean read. My wish of reading Harry Potter a second time had not been done ever since I was like, P5 or something. I PROMISE.

I can't think of more things to do now. Shall update this list when I think of 'em.

你的朋友我的朋友朋友？

2010-10-08T19:24:00.003+08:00

I guess the word 'Friend' is too difficult to define. Or rather, the word is easy to define but it is the definition of a friend that is difficult to define.

My Longman dictionary says a friend is someone you know and like very much and enjoy spending time with. But of course it's not that simple as all of us know.

I once posted this reply for this topic of To you, What is the definition of friend? in RBKD's forum:

I think friends are the people
who will understand how you truly feels,
who will give you personal space sometimes,
who will stand by you when something bad happens.

But I think the more important one is that they should never lie to you.

I'm starting to think it's more than that too. I definitely think a friend needs to know how you really feel. But's it's not that easy anyway. I doubt anyone would really know how I feel. Apart from myself.

Hmm, I think space is a must. I don't see the point of going to the toilet together, eating the same food, doing every single thing together. I don't see why I should compromise just because a friend wants it. (Eg. I won't go into the same CCA with you just because you are my friend and you want us to be together.) Because in the end if you don't like it it's your problem, not hers. Because she likes it. And I absolutely detest people that gets angry just because you went for lunch with another friend. Stuff like that. Or something like 'Oh I don't like her so I don't want you to like her' sort of thing. Urgh.

As for the third one, I don't expect.

I believe mutual trust is the most important. I don't expect friends to tell all their secrets or anything like that, but just don't lie. I think trust is the most important for any kind of relationships. Something that keeps a relationship going on.

To be honest, I don't know if I have friends. Or whether people regard me as a friend.

Sometimes there are way too many restrictions. Too many expectations. Too many imperfections. Too many things that keep us apart.

朋友？

2010-10-07T17:22:00.002+08:00

The 101st post.

有點累。心裡有點累。不是因為考試，也不是因為功課什麼的。

感覺有很多事情悶在心裡，想說又說不出，想寫在這裡又不知道要怎麼寫。很多事。

很想痛哭一場。很想到海邊吶喊。很想拼命地跑。

很想發洩。

可是什麼也做不到。什麼都被埋在心裡了。很深。

想哭。

想放風箏……

Happy Meal Happy Me

2010-10-04T16:26:00.002+08:00

Once again I have to apologise for not updating. If I said it was because I'm studying for EOYs, then I'm obviously lying. *grins*

---

Title says it all. Happy Meal = Happy Me. I vaguely remember Happy Meal being one of my top wishes when I was young. My mum didn't like to bring me to McD's. I don't know if it's expensive or unhealthy, but she just didn't.

I used to do things like writing my wishes on nice little papers and putting them into some cute red packets (aka ang bao) together with some shiny candy paper. Stuff like that. And Happy Meal was one of them. I used to cut those pictures of Happy Meal toys and sticking them into notebooks. Especially the Hamtaro ones. (I love Bijou! I loved to draw her!) My only source of Happy Meal toys was from other people's birthday parties at McD's. Which is... sad.

Can't remember how old I was when I started eating out at McD's. But I never had the chance to have Happy Meal because nobody my age buys it. Until my dearest QZ ate Happy Meal with me and I got my first Shrek toy! I still eat Happy Meal! I have 2 Shrek movie figurines (Shrek and the gingerbread man thing (I didn't watch Shrek 4), 1 Doraemon spinning thing, and 4 McDigi toys (a car one, a submarine one, a penguin one, and a circus horse one). Awesomeness.

Perhaps I'm finding my childhood.

I'm still young.

插班生-《人生實驗課》

2010-09-18T21:39:00.006+08:00

Bought the album! It would be the fourth album I own and the second album I bought. The first being Rui En's. It takes really really long for me to actually purchase an album because they're so dang expensive. I can eat like, at least five bowls of bak chor mee at the price of one album of 10 songs. But this time round I've chosen to pamper my ears instead of my stomach.

And I say, it's worth it.

Got to know of the album from Diya's tweets. And YES93.3. Because I hear at least once of their song everyday (especially 人生實驗課）and I honestly think YES93.3 is in love with their songs too. And I got so happy because TheFreshmanager uploaded the songs on YouTube. And that was a chance for me to actually listen to every single song in the album and decide whether to buy it. (And I did.) And I had been looping 回憶，這東西 while Facebook-ing and Twitter-ing. And also while I had been emo-ing...

It didn't have blown up faces of Diya or Carrie looking all cool and pretty and photoshopped, only the both of them with some random objects like shades and socks, and looking all fun-loving.

It didn't look like the most expensive or the best-packaged with some limited edition postcards or some metal box, only a thin, square-looking package.

But I definitely fell in love with whole retro/oldschool/child-like thing going on in the album.

(I'm so terribly sorry for the bad lighting. Urgh)

The disk which looks like a page from an exercise book and the lyrics booklet which looks like an exercise book itself.

And not to forget the pages from the 'exercise book'.

With cute doodles like this. *inserts a million hearts here*

Okay now for the songs.

I can't actually name which songs I like the best 'cos I like so many of them. But oh well, I really like 太透明 and 逞強 and the one which I've been looping, 回憶，這東西. And they're all emo songs. *goes in emo mood again.*

太透明 is the 'emo-to-the-max' song with the lyrics about rain and shattered hearts (託付給你我的心結果碎成五裂四分的心). But because I've never been in a relationship so I probably can't feel so much of that emo-ness la. But it's a really nice song too.

As for 逞強, one look at the title already tells you it's emo. I like the lyrics. (我怕站在你身旁冷靜得像堵牆把淚水都抵擋遮住自己傷口的真相)

And I like 回憶，這東西 because it's about memories. Something which people run away from, something which is of the past. Something very cheem. Favourite line: (把回憶塞進了腦袋的黑洞裡陰暗的角落裡重複這回憶).

But I like Polaroid too! A non-emo song that I like. YAY! I like the song Polaroid and the real life polaroid. Heh heh.

Why I bought this album:

As an album obviously it's the songs that matter the most. And to me, these are the songs that I'd listen to while travelling. The casual travelling type of songs that I'd listen on the bus alone. Or perhaps on the way to my grandma's house in Msia. I'm not one who goes for heavy metal so yea.

Hmm. I like old stuff.

The Foolscap Doodles

2010-09-16T19:59:00.006+08:00

Rain.

It's pathetically more than a month since someone actually tagged on my blog. And I only have myself to blame because I didn't update for so long.

Listening to 插班生 - 回憶，這東西 (link) on Youtube now. A really really nice emo song that is perfect for my emo mood. Or maybe for my emo mood a few days ago. Since I'm not that emo right now.

The Foolscap Doodles.

Something I do during boring English lessons or Maths.

Something that perhaps depict my mood at that certain point of time.

Something that's me. Part of me.

Well, if you're able to understand the doodles that is.

Some are pretty direct though. The above doodle was originally drawn without the facial features (a.k.a the eyes and mouth). Because I don't like to draw them. (Serious.) But I guess it looks nice with eyes and mouth too. Just a little.. sad.

I mean well of course I don't have hair that short, a head that big and I have fingers. And I don't stand under a single piece of dark cloud with a leaf in hand.

If only...... someone could understand.

Chances

2010-09-03T20:56:00.002+08:00

My entries are getting repetitive.

But still, something is better than nothing. (Argh to the dead blog/dead tagboard/low stats)

So here's a sort-of continuation of my previous previous previous.... entry entitled Of Dreams, Passion, Talent, and Opportunities.

Yea. Chances.

I do believe that chances are given but you definitely have to work for it and seize it first. It's of no use having a whole truckload of 'potential' or 'talent' if you don't seize the chances. I've come to accept the fact nobody will know that you're talented unless you show it. Applicable to almost everything you do. Seriously.

Let's say you can sing really well but you only dare to sing in your bathroom. Pointless. Because nobody will ever know that you can sing and therefore nobody would ask you to sing for a performance or something.
Seriously, secret talents suck. Who'll give you chances to realise your potential when your talents are all secrets?

So... why not just, show it? Tell everyone? And get all BHB about it?

Invisible

2010-08-28T21:56:00.002+08:00

I didn't update for...... 8 August... 28 August... 20 days.

Because I didn't have any ideas to type into an entry once again. Sigh.

Unnoticed

2010-08-08T21:04:00.002+08:00

期望越高，失望越大

I bet this line gets so overused all the time. But then again that's not the point.

It's like a negative thinking that goes long with the line, but I do believe in that. I don't expect from others, or rather, I try not to expect anything from others. By 'anything', I don't just mean things, things of monetary value. I mean things people do for us. I mean promises to be fulfilled.

There are things people promise they would do. There are things that not even I, am confident of them doing. Which is why I don't expect. I used to be so trusting, trusting of everyone, trusting of everyone's promises. But how many have they fulfilled? How many have they failed to fulfill? You and I know that deep down in our hearts, it's the latter that overpowers.

Even though the more you expect, the more you get disappointed, but does that actually mean that when you don't expect, you won't be disappointed?

Promises are still there. So is disappointment.

I'd choose to give myself, you, the promises you made, the benefit of doubt.

Play against

2010-07-23T22:22:00.002+08:00

It gets so painstakingly obvious how people are doing play against acts all the time.

I wouldn't say I'm very good at looking beneath those eyes but as a sensitive Piscean, I would say I'm not too bad at that. It's probably part of my paranoia, but still.

But I choose to believe.

Because I believe that if nobody believes another, the world would be full of doubt and not trust, not happiness. But this whole thing just collaspes one day, and you realise you have been believing in all these play against acts.

(Just so you know, a play against is the covering up of a deeply felt emotions with another emotion. An acting techinque.)

Behind

2010-07-17T15:39:00.003+08:00

Really sorry for not updating in a while (or you could say many many 'while-s). Had been staying back in school for the whole week for projects and CCA and Sec 2 Drama etc. Didn't even have time to do much of my homework. But still.

Will try my best to update my blog in the next few days after I'm done with my SRP poster. Sigh.

Of Dreams, Passion, Talent, and Opportunities.

2010-07-02T22:11:00.004+08:00

Had a mini-debate with Qinglin about the above during lunch today.

Okay, let's start from the beginning. Tershien and I were feeling neglected and ignored because the two people in front of us are probably the most/almost the most popular kids in the Sec 2 cohort. Who are Jasmlne and Qinglin. Urgh. They say hello to almost everyone, or almost everyone says hello to them. Which I'm starting to get used to. Double-urgh. Read entry. So Tershien and I decided to see if the next person who knows all of us will say hello to all of us, or just 'Hi Qinglin, Hi Jasmlne' and neglects us. But well, in the end most of the people said a general hello to all of us.

Then Tershien and I started talking about Jasmine and Qinglin being popular, and Jasmlne being multi-talented. And the whole conversation was about talented/multi-talented juniors etc.

Yea, here's the debate part.

My stand: Chances have to be seized, but at the same time, given by others. What can you seize if nobody even gives you a chance? If you have passion for something, you have to have the chance to be able to learn it/master it. Example, I've wanted to learn the piano since a long time. But without being given the chance, will I be able to learn the skill? Will I be able to master it? No. Yes, you may say that as long as you have the passion and perseverance, you will be able to learn it someday. But when is that someday? Am I going to save every single cent I have, and pay for the lessons myself, and buy a piano? What if you weren't given a chance at all? What if your parents didn't support the whole thing? Are you going to make your parents get angry and sad just because of a piano? No. And when you are given a chance, you will be able to realise if you have the talent for it. It is when you are given the chance to try, to realise your potential (or not), and to really know if you have the passion for something. So my conclusion for this chunk of text is that, chances have to be given before you go for your passion.

Next up, talent. With passion and no talent (especially when it comes to arty-farty stuff like drama and music), you won't achieve much. Yes, most of the time, it's 90% hardwork and probably a 10% talent. But that 10% sometimes does make a difference. If you do not have the 10% talent, you still will have the 10% chance of failing, even with 90% hardwork. And when you fail again and again, even a burning passion can't overcome it. So maybe it's time you try to realise some hidden talent (but still, you need to be given the chance to try!). Negative thinking, but true. Unless you really have that much of a perseverance. But of course, you need to have the 90% hardwork first.

Conclusion:

You need to dream, and then you will have a passion.

With the passion, you need to be given opportunities.

*Passion, dictionary.com definition, a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.

But passion does not necessarily means you're good at it.

With the opportunities, you will realise if you have the talent.

Okay, to sum up,

Dreams + Opportunities + Talent + Hardwork is required.

I feel so smart for coming up with all these. However, Qinglin strongly believes that as long as you have the passion, just go for it. You make chances. As long as you have the passion and is willing to work hard for it, you will be able to achieve it, whether or not do you have the opportunities given or the talent.

Well, I sort of agree with him too. But I have to admit that I don't have the courage to.

Away from old memories.

2010-06-27T18:53:00.002+08:00

Suddenly thought of the friends I had when I was in primary school. Past tense. We no longer contact each other or anything. But that's not the sad part since it was years and years back.

What I find sad is when I know some of them are with bad company now. Not trying to boast or anything, but none of those friends have been in my class ever since we were streamed at P4. They ended up in not-so-good classes, and of course eventually went to different schools. Remembered a few months back when my mum told me that she saw one of those friends of mine, hanging out with some students smoking in their school uniform. Well of course, it's none of my business whether or not are they in bad company since we're no longer close friends. But I still find it a bit sad because nonetheless, they used to be my friends.

All I hope for now is that my good friends now don't do the same. But most probably they won't since I'm like the counsellor in the bunch, and goes around telling them what they should/should not do. Urgh.

On the mountaintop I

2010-06-18T23:35:00.004+08:00

Lodge With Me 我行我宿

Yesterday was the sixth episode of this show, and it was of Rui En visiting the guest houses in Japan.

Even though I didn't watch much of the previous episodes with Felicia Chin, but I think hers was pretty good. Because Taiwan is actually a very beautiful place, and the 民宿 there really have this slow-paced thing about them. I want to go Taiwan!

Okay, back to yesterday's episode. I'd say she looked really pretty in the show. But her hosting skills, well, firstly, I don't like hosts who speak Chinese and English in Chinese variety shows. It does makes the whole show more 'Singapore' and makes the hosts more 'Singaporean' and friendly, but the thing is that Rui En hosting with Chinese mixed with English was very 'Rui En'. And for the parts with her talking only (those recorded type), they sounded like they were read right off the script (it was). Very not 'Rui En'. So it became kind of inconsistent.

But the pretty Rui En and the pretty Japan made up for that. Heh.

---

Part 1 of 'On the Mountaintop'. Will probably do part 2 which is probably gonna be about my wish of living on the mountaintop or something similar.

Till then!

Don't press refresh

2010-06-14T20:39:00.005+08:00

I think the title of this entry is tougue-twisting. If you read it a few times fast enough, I think it's going to sound like "Don't presh raff fresh." Oh whatever.

Just got the know that there's this new template designer on Blogger and it's good. The backgrounds available look great, and I don't really bother to look for a blog skin from blogskins.com already. I used to, but I guess it doesn't really matter that much. So apparently I picked this colourful combinations and I think it looks great too. And it doesn't look so emo too.

This is an utterly lame entry so if you were looking for some entry that makes you realise things about life, nah, not this one.

Talking to Zi Lei

2010-06-09T23:10:00.002+08:00

Well, I started talking to myself these few nights.

And I talked and talked and said out loud how I felt, and is feeling.

And then I cried a pail. Of tears.

And in fact, it didn't make me feel better.

All I realised was that these problems are problems.

习惯了

2010-05-27T19:30:00.003+08:00

有些东西习惯了，也就不在乎了。

我不喜欢打招呼，这是一个我从小就改变不了的事。我小时候都要我妈提醒我才会叫“Uncle”或“Auntie”。因为我不会去主动打招呼，看到别人，如果对方没有看到我，我就当着我也没看到他们。只有当我看到他，他看到我，我才会打招呼。可能因为这样，和朋友走在一起，别人会说“Hi ______ （朋友的名字）”，就算是我们两个认识的人，大多数的也只会叫我朋友的名字。一阵子前，我还是为这件事感到有点难过。只是现在有点习惯了，发现打不打招呼，根本不重要。他的生命不会因为我的招呼而改变，而我也不会因他的招呼而改变。所以我觉得我的朋友说得好，如果世上有两个我，我永远也不会认识这另一个自己。

习惯了自己一个人回家，自己一个人搭巴士。习惯了在有心事时，打电话，朋友们不是不在家，就是没有空听我电话。只能自己独自面对，写日记，写博客（blog）。

习惯了，不再在乎了，有没有人跟我打招呼，有没有人陪我回家，有没有人听我说心事，似乎也不怎么重要了。

Sometimes when you get used to something, it doesn't really matter that much anymore.

With You

2010-05-23T01:57:00.002+08:00

A Promotional Clip by RBKD

---

I really thought this video was very well done.

The meaning of the black-and-white and sepia scenes was left to our own imagination. I would interpret the black-and-white scenes of Siqi and Zhang Yang's happy memories as her flashback, and the black-and-white used somehow signifies that the happy memories has become the past ever since he died.

The sepia scenes was sort of like 'sad memories', and how Siqi couldn't get over his death.

And I really love the song! I mean yea, I like Jay Chou and his songs, but the lyrics of the song really brought out the emotions and all.

说了再见才发现再也见不到

I think this chorus line tells us about the uncertainty of life. It's like right after you say goodbye (which in this case the translation is 'see you again'), you realise that the person is gone. So uh, I think the song really matched the video well, and the part where the lyrics had '拥抱' and SQ and ZY hugged was (Y)(Y)(Y).

---

I think I took this video as an inference question or something.

(What's with all the interpretation and thingies? -_-)

But since it's my own entry, I'm suppose to make sense out of everything and like this entry.

It's 2.17AM now so I guess my brain is not working well and my stomach is hungry.

Oh, and my sis got Jay Chou's latest album! So I can loop 说了再见 already!

---

Till then, toodle-loo!

Ding!

2010-05-21T23:13:00.002+08:00

Had lots of inspiration about what to write for my blog but all of them slipped off my mind before I could remember.

I remembered one of them was about MapleStory and life. Like how MapleStory is like life or something like that.

But I can't remember.

And lots of other ideas to blog about, and I can't remember.

I seriously think I have STM. I can forget where I put my iPod when I was holding it 30 secs ago.

Shall blog again when my brain goes *ding!* and it's switched on like a lightbulb. For now, just let me conserve energy for the light later.

Exams Drama Idol

2010-05-15T16:16:00.007+08:00

Exams

If you were to ask me if my exam was okay, I would just reply you 'okay lor.' Except for my EL paper 1, which I screwed up by writing out of point for my essay. But since it's over I shan't rant on about that.

But overall I thought the whole SA1 was rather manageable.

Best thing about exams: No homework.

Worst thing about exams: Not getting into exam-mode and binge-eating. I have this habit of snacking on something like cereals and bread. And after every exam I ate at either KFC, Mac's, or some other places. Not good for both pocket and my weighing scale.

Drama

Drama re-assessment turned out to be a flop. A re-assessment is supposed to let you have a chance to work on the monologue again and improve, but in actual fact mine was worse than my first one.

And when everyone else improved and not you, you know how you're gonna rank.

Idol

Bet my constant 'Must watch channel 8 at 9pm today hor!' made you watch With You. Ooops.

I sort of realised the need of a bucket is not there already, because I'm an unfeeling creature.

Really, it's like ever since EP1, all the crying scenes are so bloody sad and all, but tears don't fall anymore. In EP1, there was the rushtotheaccidentscene scene, in EP2, there was the hugherdaughterandcry + hellophoneareyouinthere/therazoriscuttingherfoot scenes, and in EP3, there was the continuation of the hellophoneareyouinthere/therazoriscuttingherfoot scene plus the best sitontheroadandcry + tearsarefallingliketherain crying scenes. But none of it moved me to tears.

It's not that Rui En's acting didn't touch me what (in fact it was brilliant y'know), but I think I'm becoming more unfeeling as I grow older. I used to cry over cartoon movies like Bolt when Bolt saved its owner who was in the fire. And crying over books like Harry Potter when Dumbledore died. But now when I watch drama serials I no longer cry.

Maybe it's because movies are longer and the emotions are gradually built up within the audience, whereas drama serials have really sad scenes but those emotions don't build up that much because it's usually less than a minute and the whole show is not even an hour.

But ultimately, I think the problem lies with me.

And now I think I'm an unfeeling creature already.

Pages from the past

2010-05-08T13:27:00.003+08:00

Mothers' Day is tomorrow, so have you thought of what to get for your mum?

I do have friends who give presents and cards and all sorts of things to their mums, and also friends who don't give anything, like me.

Yes yes, nothing will ever repay the effort put in by our mothers. It's the symbolism and thought that counts. But there is actually a reason as to why I never gave presents on Mothers' Day after that day.

I still remember it was the Mothers' Day when I was still P2. So apparently I bought a pink fake rose for about 30c from the bookshop. I didn't know how to give it to her, but anyway I handed it to her and mouthed a word of "Happy Mothers' Day." And all she did was to tell me not to waste money on such things and told me to keep it myself.

Yes, it's just a sesamegreenbean matter (芝麻绿豆的小事) but in fact, it did leave an impact. I know many of you have experienced similar things like giving somebody a gift but in the end told not to waste money. If it didn't affect me, I wouldn't even remember it la.

Sometimes, it's not the monetary value that matters (since it's like my money instead of yours). It's about saying a word of thanks. Accepting it and appreciating it. And not telling the person not to waste a mere 30c.

PS: I know 30c can buy me like 3 fishballs but still, that's not the main point. It's just 30c.

The dates above

2010-05-06T16:42:00.004+08:00

Updates!

With You

I've been waiting for this showreel since forever. Kind of disappointed because I expected more crying scenes in the showreel, but it's okay, Rui En's still as orh-shum as everrrrr. I hope With You would get her the BA award next year. Hmmm. Seems like I do need a bucket from 12 May onwards.

The best post-SA1 activity would be to stay at home from Monday to Friday at 9PM, and keep my eyes on the TV screen, and myself on the sofa.

Oh and she looks orh-shum in long hair too!

-----

Okay I shall end of my post with my favourite picture of Rui En.

I think it was for the lensing ceremony for the August drama, Unriddle. POLICEWOMEN! Whee.

P/S: It's currently the wallpaper for my iPod. So everytime I turn on my iPod I see her face. :D

Exam-mode? No.

2010-05-01T14:28:00.003+08:00

EL Paper 1 and 2 down.

Seriously, even after the start of the first paper, I'm still not in the exam-mode. Probably because of my TV and my bed and definitely my iPod. I'm like reading Much Ado About Nothing by Shakespeare right now instead of reading my textbooks and worksheets.

I kind of wonder how I even got into Anderson and survived. Note that I used 'survived' instead of 'getting good results'. Because a part of me studies for the sake of studying. I honestly don't think that finding x in algebra questions and learning about how people plant rice in some other parts of the world would be useful unless you want to be a mathematician/maths teacher, or some geog teacher or even a farmer. Yes, certain things in maths like financial arithmetic/linear graphs, and knowing the places on Earth can be useful. Other than that I don't know why we want to know x.

I'd rather spend the time learning languages.

I digress.

So, as I was saying, I'm still not in the exam-mode because if I were, I wouldn't even be typing this. I shall continue my Shakespearian stuff. :/

-------------

PS; My last paper will be on 12 May, which is a drama paper. And then I can watch With You 我在你左右, starring Rui En as pregnant mum. Remember to tune in to Channel 8 [Channel 103] at 9pm on 12 May! :D

I picked this picture because I like it a lot. Really captured all her emotions.

Speech Day 2010

2010-04-23T22:12:00.002+08:00

16 April 2010

Things that happened are slowly slipping off my mind right now. Okay, before everything slips off and I don't even remember performing during Speech Day, I shall start my entry.

Was telling everybody that I was stressed. 'Cause I'm really afraid I'd screw up everything by saying the wrong lines or something. Hmm, then after having lunch we went to change and get makeup on. And I looked old. (Happy <--)

Erm, after that we went to get mic-ed up (that's what they say, which means to get the mike thingy on which I forgot the name). I mean the microphone was the coolest man. It's not like you get it stuck on your face all the time so yea. And on the way to get the mike I saw Mr Leong (P.E. teacher) and asked, "Hi Mr Leong, do you know who I am?" *smiles* Then he said, "You're Zi Lei."

I asked him because he always doesn't spot me during P.E. lesson even though I'm like the H.A. which stands for health ambassador who is also known as the P.E. rep. *breathes* He'll usually go, "Uh, where's my P.E. rep/HA?" Then I'll start waving my hands like mad before he spots me.

After getting the mike, we went back to Blackbox because there was nothing for us to do at the hall until quite late. Heh so I went around taking pictures of people and camwhoring with Meiyu. Y'know I seldom camwhore so... it's rare?! (It's 10.50pm on a Friday night and I think I'm going to play chess with 周公 already, hence the lameness. Ooops.)

A bit disgusting to see a Grandma doing this.

Let's just fast-forward all these teeny-weeny details to the performance, shall we? (Anyway you don't have a choice. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.)

My legs were like "~~~~~~~~~" while doing the knitting on stage. I mean it's not my first time on stage but it's like the first time I've acted as a Grandma. Anyway, I almost screwed up about the Wa Zu girls part, or rather, I screwed it up but Sakinah, Praveena and Vinesha managed to save it. I totally forgot the sequence of everybody's lines and started saying my lines at the wrong moments. I was like damn sorry. :( And after that er, nothing much la. Oh, really thank Sakinah for helping me wipe my make-up off and removing my grandma costume outside my hiphop costume. But for some reason I think she didn't wipe it clean so I have a feeling that I still looked like a grandma during the hiphop dance. (I haven't seen any pictures of me dancing hiphop so I don't really know how I looked like then.)

Had some de-brief session after the whole thing and went to have LJS with some ATCians. Didn't really got to interact with the other seniors except for Darrick cos all of us were sitting in different tables. :(

I Y ATC.

Now you see it, now you don't

2010-04-02T22:16:00.003+08:00

Was listening to some chinese songs on my way home and felt this gush of emotions rushing up to me when I heard the piano prelude of a song which sounded rather emo. Not really sure why but it just happens once in a while.

Anyway, my point is, I've always wanted to learn to play the piano. Since, a long time ago. I decided that I will learn to play it one day when I was around P3 I think. 'Cos I was in chinese orchestra, and the choir would perform with the teacher playing the piano during events. It just sounds so nice y'know.

My only music background was playing erhu and gaohu in chinese orchestra and also singing with my sis. So I've always envied people who could play the piano really well. And I especially hate it when people have a chance to learn to play the piano but don't like it because thereIamwantingtolearnbutdon'thaveachancetobecauseitcostsmoneyandmymumdoesn'tcareaboutpianos.

My mum used to think being able to play tunes (not chords for goodness sake) on my sis's donkey-year-old organ (those really small ones that you can change the sound of the keys, has about 20+ keys and without the ability to press than 2 keys at one time) is called 'playing the piano', which obviously isn't true.

I really admire Mr Chin (Ah Swee) for taking up piano at his age. My goal when I grow up was and is to learn to play the piano using my own money.

And then I'm not gonna care if I'm like the oldest person in the piano class.

are you that kite, waiting for the flight?

2010-03-26T21:22:00.004+08:00

So apparently I promised to update my blog these few days but I didn't. I had ideas, but I didn't type them out. And you know why? Because my brain has limited storage space. And I think I shall just keep my notebook/diary with me to jot down whatever ideas I have to blog.

And I am aware that I have a blog title totally irrelevant to what I'm going to type. :/

---

What is one of the things you do when you first get home without anyone at home?

Okay, apart from taking off your shoes, switching on your fan/aircon/lights and maybe washing your feet, one of the most common thing to do is to switch on your TV. I do that too, because somehow rather it gives me that sense of security, even if nobody's home except for myself. To me, the images and sound of the TV tell me that there is actually 'somebody' with me, even if it means the actors acting or the reporter reporting news. It just fills that sense of emptiness with people's voices and pictures.

It's kind of the same thing like when you're alone and you blast music and think that you are safe. Or hiding under the blanket and thinking that it would protect you from anything.

Hmm. Insecurity.

Until 0000

2010-03-06T21:49:00.005+08:00

The day where I got the most wall posts on Facebook,

The day where I got the most notifications that were not spams.

The day where I got the most unread messages in a day,

The day where my wish was granted ever since donkey years ago when I made it.

The day where I said the most 'thanks'.

This day this year, it is different.

Different because the feeling is not the same.

Different because I knoww I really gave my best to run for yesterday's x-country.

Different because I am glad that I am still alive, breathing.

Different because I learnt to appreciate more.

I will never forget what Mr Boh (my P6 maths teacher) said.

You have until the end of the day to be happy, to be sad.

And today, I am happy.

Happy Birthday.

Wow that's a great amplifier!

2010-03-04T20:59:00.002+08:00

I seriously can't stand it when my mum starts amplifying about whatever little things I do and threaten to not let me go Marryatville.

First she started doing her great job of amplifying by first telling relatives + family friends how I cried my eyeballs out and tried to convince her to let me go to Marryatville. To me it is something that I do not wish to let anybody know apart from my family because I was the one who cried, not her. And I seriously think there is absolutely no reason as to why she has to tell people this.

And then she starts amplifying on little mistakes that I made.

"If you don't even wash the dishes at home, how can I let you go to Australia where you are living in other people's house?"

"How can I be assured that you will not wake up late or be a joke when you don't even know the reporting time for tomorrow's cross-country?"

And every single time she says things like this I get very irritated. I don't see why she has to link every single thing I do to Marryatville. It's not like I won't wash the dishes at the host's house or something. It's just different when you're at home and when you're overseas/camp.

Seriously, I sometimes wonder if all these tears are worthwhile. I'd rather just stay in Singapore and not face all these freaking excuses and 'no-links'.

that kite in my hand

2010-02-27T22:08:00.002+08:00

So sorry that I have not been posting since about 2 weeks ago.

Was busy with CAs and stuff and I can't really think of much to post. Possibly because most part of my brain was used to think about CAs and not weird questions. (I mean even though you don't really see me mugging and/or doing my homework but I do study okay~)

Birthday's in a week time. Hope to have something to post by then.

Experiencing life

2010-02-13T18:23:00.003+08:00

To continue my previous post, I think it's the reason why you have never seen any entry that is poetic or is about love.

Because all those require experiences.

Be it crushing on somebody, being in a relationship with someone, breaking up with someone, or letting go of a relationship, they are all experiences.

When people write about such things, they are actually jotting down their feelings at that moment, that particular state of mind. So they can actually write very beautiful poems, songs, anything.

Hmm. That roughly sums up why you've never seen an entry about love, and why you will not for a long time.

Thinking about it. Writing it down.

2010-01-30T00:16:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I really do wonder if I'm blogging just for the sake of it.

Yes, I think I think a lot. But mostly over unimportant stuff that makes no sense. And when I do have something to share, I'm either too busy, or I think my diary is a better outlet.

It takes horribly long for me to phrase what I'm going to blog about and if it makes sense and if it sounds stupid or what. You get my drift. It's like I don't even know if anyone is reading my blog anyway.

Yea. So a few days back, Mingwang and Benjamin were talking about what is life? during Science lesson. Benjamin was saying that we are actually abducted by aliens and put to Earth, so everything is actually a dream. And we are dreaming (when we sleep), we are actually dreaming in a dream. While Benjamin was there talking about aliens abducting us, Zongyan was telling us how impossible the aliens abducting thing was because they had no motives, and about how we revolved from the most basic unit of life (or whatever). Like 13 billion years (No, my brain does not work well with very cheem scientific stuff) after the Big Bang (And no, it's not the Korean guys) so we evolved or something. Scientific explanation. So I suggested asking Mr Leow.

His answer was: Life is experience. You experience life.

Yea, something like that. You know my memory fails me.

Rui En @ Birthday Gathering 2010

2010-01-19T16:13:00.008+08:00

*The date of this post has been edited to 16 Jan*

Heyo people! It's the long-awaited post on RE's Birthday Gathering! Wanted to post this that night but I had to do some of my homework, and I ended up sleeping right after finishing because I was so exhausted. Wasn't free on the next day (which is Sunday) because I had CIP programme from 8am to 5pm.
-----

I was rushing out of my house so I just grabbed my drawing for RE and put it in a file and made an envelope sort of thing out of present wrapper because I needed to laminate my drawing before I could wrap it. Uh so I rushed to TP Central to meet QZ and to get my drawing laminated. We met the rest of the RBKD-ers at Dhoby Ghaut MRT and took a bus to this steamboat restaurant. Hmm so we just ordered the food and chatted a bit.

I was eating when I saw Idol. Okay I didn't see her enter the restaurant. All I saw was her popped out of nowhere. I quickly nudged QZ and then we had our ':O' + '8D' expression on freeze-frame. But since everyone continued eating as if she was not there, and there were no cameras taken out, QZ and I just continued eating while we're smiling inside. And when I looked at her, she happened to look at me. So she smiled and mouthed 'Hello'. I was so super high inside lor. Hoho. Then Snail told everyone to do self-intro to RE and I said my name, my age, my school and my CCA. (I'm shy okay.)

After eating for a bit, she went to every table to chat with them. My group's table was the last and when she was at the 2nd last table, I decided to take paparazzi shots of her by hiding behing QZ. I mean how can I resist not taking pictures of my idol? For one shot I forgot to off the flash, so she spotted me and smiled at my camera. But the thing is that that particular picture was blurry, unfortunately. She came to our table next and talked to us. Can't really remember the conversation but there was one point when she was talking to somebody on our table (can't remember who), I was eating cuttlefish. I looked at her (while biting the cuttlefish) and she looked at me. Totally awkward. Then she told me to continue eating. Heh. After that I gave her the drawing. She asked if we have anything for her to sign, so QZ took out her foolscap and pen and asked her to sign. I didn't bring any paper or pen so I borrowed a gold marker from Kahyin and asked RE to sign on my file, the one I used to put the drawing. I was so so so happy. Took picture with her also! The first one was with flash so I looked really really tanned. And RE looked really really fair. And then I got to know that she hates flash too. So I took another picture with her! :D

Paparazzi shot. Prettyyyyyyyyyy.

Gah~ Her skin cells were on my shoulder okay! I wonder if she noticed the words on my shirt. It writes, "You are the one I've been waiting for." I wore specially picked that shirt from my sis's wardrobe but in the end I forgot to tell her.

Then after that was the group pic with her and the cake sponsored by Minmin. FYI QZ and I ate the two chocolate eyes. She took one, I took one. Heh.

So after she left the table's people felt hungry again so we had a 2nd round of steamboat. And QZ actually asked for the half the remaining cake (which is about 1/7 of the cake) and finished it while we were having our 2nd round. The other people were like 'O_O'.

So yup, that's about it. :)

-----

Note:

Please do credit me if you post my pictures anywhere else.

Hi peeps!

2010-01-09T21:59:00.006+08:00

Happy Family preview

*Awwwwwww~*

She's so super cute okay~ And it's so heartwrenching when she cries.

"我不要面对，我不能面对，我不想面对！"

Awwwwww. *piang* My heart break liao.

And when Remus kissed Rui En on her forehead (at around the end of the video) it totally reminds me of when Buqun kissed Yuhang on her forehead in a totally same way. :O

I really think she improved a lot. Xiao-dong is Xiao-dong and not Xiao-dong + RE. (Y)(Y)(Y)

I (heart) Rui En!

New Year Resolutions

2009-12-31T23:11:00.003+08:00

In the year of 2010 and after,

I'll try my best to...

1. Cherish everyone and everything around me.

2. Be a better person all-roundedly.

That's all. The two most important ones.

Others like be more tidy or whatever can be done anytime isn't it? :)

Goodbye 2009!

2009-12-31T00:20:00.007+08:00

Gotta say goodbye to 2009, and welcome a brand new year of 2010.

Even though you're always watching your dramas and ignoring my calls sometimes, I'm glad that Chinese Orchestra had brought us together before we were even streamed into the same class.

Fang <3

It took me a long long time to dig out these photos because I realised we don't camwhore a lot. Uhm, I apologise for putting in the siao zharbo photo on the bottom left corner of the collage. You must always remember what Fang and I told you okay? :)

Qiao <3

(Yes I know I look like a total freak with a very weird skin colour and a very weird face. Oh, and don't ask me what I'm holding in my hand. I have no idea.)

Yay! I'm really really glad that our friendship is still strong even though we're all in different schools in 2009.

Craziest sisters <3

You're one of my wiser friends who gives wise advices. Being the person who is always getting sabotaged by others, you're always still so happy and nice. It's been great knowing you this year. Thanks for all the loans and stuff. :)

Santhini <3

Mrs Ang, one of my favourite teacher in 2009. :)

Of course, of course, I can't possibly list down every single person that have walked into my life, walked out of my life, and perhaps some passers-by. But those are the people who made a difference in my life, big or small. :)

2009 has been a rather great year for me.

It's the year where I had to put down my primary school self,

where I got to study in a whole new environment,

where I learnt from people, both good and bad,

where I bonded with fellow ATCians through the 1st ATC Camp,

where I joined RBKD and met new people,

and more importantly, a year that I grew a lot. :)

Good afternoon!

2009-12-27T13:58:00.004+08:00

It's a sunny Sunday afternoon! Anyway, have you spotted the Happy Family trailer (not teaser) that has my Idol? Actually I haven't seen it on TV myself.

Awwwwww. Little Winter so cute. :)

----------

Many many people moved to Wordpress already, and here I am again wondering if I should. I mean it's kind of stupid to be moving from Blogger to Wordpress and back to Blogger, and wondering if I should move back to Wordpress again.

By the way, I think I won't be going down for the Punggol Countdown because most probably my mum isn't going to let me go even if I try to convince her like I did for the Bday Bash and Starhub Fair. Yup, I don't hold high hopes for this. So even if she doesn't let me go I won't be so disappointed. :)

How's life?

2009-12-20T17:16:00.004+08:00

Hello dear readers (I'm wondering if there are readers)! How's life?

Nothing's changed much. I'm trying my best to not procrastinate and do my work but oh well, my computer is a big distraction. Hmm. My bag is still in a mess, my worksheets are still not filed, and my homework is still not done. Much less the literature review for SRP. *Sighs* And my room is still in a total mess despite the 2 months of holiday. How, you tell me?

I totally want 梁文音's《爱, 一直存在》for Christmas. But I'm currently broke 'cos I need to return money to my friends. Her songs are really comforting, with the lyrics and stuff. But the thing is that her vocal range is super high and it's super difficult for me to sing along with her songs. :/ But who cares, her songs are nice.

Procrastinator's at large. Catch me.

Rui En @ Starhub Family Christmas Fair 09 + New drama

2009-12-15T21:43:00.009+08:00

Did I mention about going to Starhub Family Christmas Fair last Sunday (13 Dec) to see my idol?

I think I didn't. Except for maybe one tweet saying that I was going to Suntec to see RE.

Okay back to the topic. Left my house at about 2.15pm when I'm supposed to meet the RBKD-ers at 3.30pm. So I think I was a bit too excited because it doesn't take 1hr to get there, perhaps at most 50mins. Who knows if there might be some unforeseen circumstances (there wasn't). So I reached at about 3pm and saw Bee, Phyllis and Grace at Level 4. We stood/sat in a single-file along the Lvl 4 railing and saw the Fimbles.

[Hey I watched that when I was young okay!]

Then after most of them reached they went down to the 3rd floor (where the stage is) and left Candice and I on the 4th with the RBKD banner. Stranded. No lah they're not that evil. Some of them came up and put the Rui En boards and then Candice and I went down.

Not long before idol came out. Took pictures while she is talking and started recording a video of her singing Qing Wa, which in the end was either accidentally deleted by me or not recorded at all. Stupid. Then started snapping pictures. Click, click, click. The host asked a few people from the audience some questions while Rui En handed them the Starhub gifts. Then she said her Christmas message and left. Yea, I mean left. Quite disappointed with that fact actually, 'cause I was secretly (but now it isn't a secret already!) hoping she would take a picture with me, which I was secretly hoping for a long time. Then we took a group pic at the Christmas tree in Suntec.

[Edited: Was actually told that RE wanted to meet-up with us so she and her manager actually went back after being escorted by the security guard but couldn't find us so they left. :(]

----------

Now for her new show.

http://blogs.xin.sg/baguatv/2009/12/13/rui-en-瑞恩-pregnant-怀孕/

Nope, your eyes didn't trick you. My idol is going to take on a role as a mother. I can see that ':O' face. Because that was my first reaction too. Before I go on laughing like mad.

Can I imagine her pregnant with a big tummy? I can't.

Can I imagine her holding a cane and chasing her kid? I can't.

And especially not after her Xiao-dong role.

People

2009-12-13T01:34:00.002+08:00

I guess that layer of pretence is getting thicker and thicker.

And soon after, we'll be fooling ourselves.

2009-12-10T14:40:00.002+08:00

There are lots of thing you don't see on the surface.

And there are lots of things that I do sense. Under the surface.

摇到外婆家～

2009-12-02T23:06:00.004+08:00

嗯，如果你还不知道，
我的外婆家其实是间咖啡店，
很奇怪的，我越来越向往那种到外婆家的感觉…
很轻松…有那种一大家子的感觉。
其实我为了去学校帮忙IPW for Open House，我迟了一天才去，

而在那一天，很多表哥表姐都有去我的外婆家，一些阿姨和舅舅也都有去，还有我最小的表妹！

他们去waterfall玩，还去泡温泉（一下子冷的waterfall，一下子热的的温泉……）

晚上还去钓鱼场吃tomyum（我每次去他们都会请我去吃的，嘻嘻）

是我表姐那天晚上看到我在Facebook跟我讲的，我知道了真的是伤心的咯……

可是偏偏有人不领情…把我那天心情都搞砸了……

可是不要紧了，因为那天Open House过后我和方方去Vivocity吃东西，然后我就拼命吃辣的东西（比如说，去吃酱青里的小辣椒，或者加很多辣椒酱），结果那天吃的辣椒一点也不辣…不过心情好很多啦。

越说越远了……

不过我会外婆家的那天，我小舅还没走，所以我看到了我可爱的表妹！～

她是超超超超超可爱的啦，然后我还跟她一起吹泡泡，感染一下那种童真和儿时的时光……（小时候我会自己那肥皂水来玩泡泡的）。

天真无邪的她还对着水沟盖的洞把泡泡吹下去，哈哈

我在外婆家空闲的时候就会开始observe people（观察人群），看看那些顾客点些什么，看什么报纸，在做什么…

我知道我很无聊，不过我觉得懂得观察是很重要的，否则人家生气你也不知道，人家闷闷不乐你也看不出，可能还会说出不该说的话等等。

人要懂得察言观色 :)

嗯，我想，在同一个地方，咖啡店对顾客们来说是个放松，喝杯咖啡聊聊天的地方，而对我来说，是个和表哥表姐阿姨舅舅们联络感情的地方。而或许，它也是我人生旅途中一个非常重要的休息站。 :)

Anderson Theatre Campers! <3

2009-11-25T22:44:00.007+08:00

I'm currently very stressed up because of the IPW presentation during the Ande Open House, like those people who can't go and I can't find the poster/presentation board. But I shall just detach myself from all those c*** and blog about the ATC camp before all the tiny details slip out of my mind (part of it was already gone when I had an afternoon nap hours back).

Heh, actually I wanted to post in chronological order but I lost the camp booklet and you know I forget things easily so I'd have to post according to the activities. :)

Let's start off with the daily activities.

Oh, and the activities are NOT in chronological order.

------------------------------

Food

The lunch and dinner is so so so much better than I expected. I expected the food to be like plain and bland fried rice/fried noodles/beehoon/chicken rice, but instead all the packs of lunch/dinner were all very different and it's super delicious. I finished all of them, and even the peas-carrot-corn gravy, despite hating the taste of peas. :D We had bread, biscuits, London choco roll, cornflakes for breakfast and tea time (and surprisingly there was tea time!). However, no drinks was provided during any of the meals except for the 'barbeque' in Day 2.

Sleep

Really difficult to fall asleep on the first night 'cause of the hard and cold cemented floor and most of us needed some time to get used to sleeping bags I guess. I started sleeping with unzipped sleeping bag, my shirt+jacket as my pillow and my frog as something to grab (?), but night turned really cold so I was wrapped up like a cocoon by the time I woke up. Oh, and some people (whom I assume is either kiasu or they can't fall asleep) started waking up at like 6am, when we're only supposed to gather at 7.30am, and of course I was affected by them. (Like seriously do you need 1.5h to brush your teeth?) Woke up with back aches cum muscle aches.

Shower

Shower on Day 1 - Alright, because people would be doing project prep when other groups are bathing, so no time wasted and we could shower at our own pace (just don't hog the bathrooms la).

Shower on Day 2 - Horrible. People are all rushing to allow others to bathe because we only had 30 mins for everyone to bathe before gathering for project prep again.

------------------------------

Workshops

Vocal workshop - Quite fun.

Movement workshop - I kind of liked the dancing part. So fun looking at people 'dressing up'. :D

Improv. workshop - What I thought I'd dread the most, because I can't come up with ideas/stories spontaneously. But it was pretty fun also 'cos we got to form shapes+circles+things with a random partner/group of people.

Storytelling workshop - Was told to think about a story during the first night, but I didn't 'cos if I did I think I won't even fall asleep already. But anyway, I told the story about a frog that was deaf, which I think most of you have heard before?

Movie

Watched A Series of Unfortunate Events which I found really nice because of the whole setting and their acting was really good.

Ballroom dance + 'barbeque'

Exco taught ballroom dance while the food is being prepared. Darrick sounded real angry when he was telling us to pair up with an opposite sex so I just picked George. Both our hands were sweaty so it was rather disgusting... :/

The reason why the word is in apostrophes is because we didn't barbeque. It is supposed to be (as shown in the camp booklet) but we actually ate cooked food prepared by Mr Smith and some ATCians. Veg, patties etc. were provided, so we just had to stuff them in the burger bread.

------------------------------

With the Coolios...

Group bonding

Still not very bonded on the first day. Just formed the group (COOLIOS!) and had a group cheer. The name 'Coolios' (<-- I kept typing 'coolies' :X) was actually by Sakinah, a random name she came up with while telling us, 'Come up with a group name before I start suggesting lame names like Coolios~', and we actually ended up having Coolios as our group name. Had group games like Ball-in-the-hole (Oh yay I remembered the name) and the skipping rope one. Bonding games were not bonding. Yet. :/

Project preps & performance
Managed to come up with a performance piece that was the shortest among all the groups'. Had to include various things in the performance, like 15 secs of silence etc. Nevertheless, I think we've really bonded from this performance.

Obstacle maze

Extremely tired from all the running, but we enjoyed it. Sakinah's station was the most meaningful of all, as we had to each say what we feel about our group members. Was really glad that we were all happy with our grouping. Coolios! <3

Nightwalk!

Best part of the whole camp!

I was paired up with Wenbin, and the Coolios were surprisingly unafraid. First station was actually the 3/3 classroom, in which we have to climb stairs under dim lights. So we were walking until we reached the 3/3 classroom. We realised there was like nobody, so we started going, 'Anybody?' The classroom is like total darkness and I was afraid of ambush (I wasn't afraid of the dark places and stuff, I just hated people/things popping out and shocking me -_-), so Wenbin went in and checked out the classroom to see that there was nobody. Then we saw Zheshuo up on the 3rd floor and he signalled us to go up. He was telling us the next next station will be very dark and that we'd have to hold hands all the why till the end. Oh, and he was telling us they saw something somewhere (which I still don't know what) and that's why they actually changed the route. Praveena's station was the couple-dancing one, but we didn't really dance 'cause she got a call halfway and she let us off as a result. We gladly hald each other's hands and continued to Sakinah's, in which we had to go down a staircase with back-to-back interlocked hands. We had to walk past an open lift, and it was completely dark at the corridor and in the lift. It was super creepy! After that was the duet/couple-singing one, so we sang Jay Chou's song. So while singing, I actually spotted flickering lights (not electrical lights, it's those flickering lights when you have fire) at a corner of the corridor. Was told that we had to walk down the stairs and we'll reach soon. Wenbin and I were aware that there might be ambush near the stairs (it was a common place for ambush), so we walked and walked, and then we saw 2 guys standing there. They lighted a matchstick each and stoned there when we walked past them and we actually said, 'YO!' I mean, these 2 guys from another CCA are complete failures man. They should have at least boo-ed us when they realised they failed right? Oh, so anyway, we walked to the global village place and heard laughters. O_O There was people chatting and laughing away when I think they're supposed to scare us... Heh, so we silently ran to the end and completed the nightwalk!

------------------------------

A word of THANKS for the teachers, the excos and all the enthusiastic ATCians who made this camp a success, and for the Kinder Joy, ice cream, plastic folder and food!

Honestly, I did not look forward to the camp the day before the start, but at the end of the camp, I felt really bonded with the AndersonTheatreCampers, and especially the Coolios. When Zheshuo asked Wenbin and I if we had thought we would be this bonded during the nightwalk, Wenbin shook his head and said no. Neither did I. That feeling is really... indescribable. I bet none of us have thought so too. I hope that all of us have gotten back more than what we've put in (like the sweat while running for the maze, or the time taken to just pack our bags...). I really hope this will be an annual event!

I shall end off this post with the ATC group pic and the pic with the Coolios. :)

COOLIOS! <3

RBKD's 1st Birthday Bash

2009-11-15T23:06:00.003+08:00

Met with QZ and her mum at the bus stop opposite my house to take bus 13 to Potong Pasir MRT, and went to Boon Keng MRT to meet with the other Dang-ers. So all of us waited for a bit before taking a bus to the function room at a condo. A round of introductions before some of us started decorating the room with balloons. 'POP!' went some of the balloons when Candice was writing letters on them. And 'POP!' goes another... Heheheh. (Actually they don't go POP, they go BOOMZ!) Those hungry ones started taking the food while some of them just sat around, 'cos there wasn't much for us to do. Oh we had a super-easy round of charade.

Then another group of people who couldn't meet up with us at Boon Keng arrived, together with the club president. And she played a video with the photos of 1 year-old babies (which includes mine), and then guess who are the babies. There was one special one, which was sent in yesterday (I think), it was Idol's unpublished baby photo!! Yea, and XY told us RE couldn't make it there because she was heading to Japan to host a travel show, but she showed us RE's birthday wish on video and in the forum, before anyone else could see it. :) There came a big big camwhoring session, from a club photo, to 'Xaby's autograph session', and XY's imitation of RE's birthday wish video, with her head behind RE's head of the banner... Ahahahaha...

At the end QZ and I 'koped' a packet of sushi (actually we didn't kope la, XY gave it to us since nobody wanted it). Hee...

Now I'm super full and I haven't eat the RBKD cake and the cookies...

For photos, please go to http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2026895&id=1106054611&l=6459853b2b

Imagination ≠ Ambition

2009-11-11T17:04:00.006+08:00

Forgot to mention that YF called QZ and me yesterday to ask us if we wanted to watch My Girlfriend Is An Agent after we leave Marina Barrage. Really really funny. Action-packed with a blend of romance and humour.

Anyway, what I want to say in this entry is that, I'm one who tends to imagine myself as different roles in different dramas I watch. (And people who knows me well knows that too.) Like when I watch the above, I will something like that say to myself, "Secret agent so coooooool leh. How I wish I'm an agent..." But of course I don't take these 'imagination(s)' as my ambition, because most of the time they're not practical and not possible (for me).

(Actually wanted to post about my ambition and stuff, but I guess I shan't. Those will be kept in my diary. Safe and sound. :D)

Marina Barrage

2009-11-10T18:46:00.006+08:00

Finally got to go there after pestering my friends for so long...... QZ packed sandwiches for both of us while I brought my picnic mat, although we didn't use it this time. YF was originally going, but she said she was too worn out after her class chalet yesterday.

That Fang (YF) ah... always like this. Tsk tsk tsk.

Now, for the pictures! Specially brought along my sis's digital camera. :D My blog's been lacking pictures for a long long time right?

While uploading these pictures, my Google chrome had crashed for 2 times, so here's the link to the photo album on Facebook. :)

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2026494&id=1106054611&l=32f20d9205

That pig with a dream

2009-11-09T23:20:00.003+08:00

It's that simplicity of the McDull and the books/animation that he appears in that attracts me.

My first time to know McDull was actually a book (It was in Chinese) that someone have put on the 'thingy-where-people-put-the-books-they-don't-wanna-borrow'. I think it was many years back, and I thought that pig looks rather familiar, so I borrowed it. The book had pictures, and a few lines of words next to them. It was so simple, yet the meaning beneath the lines are actually much deeper than that, showing the love between his mother and him. And if I didn't remember wrongly, I cried over one of the short stories in the book.

Oh, do you know who is McDull?

McDull is a male pig who can be distinguished by a birthmark on his right eye. He has a heart of gold, but he isn't very smart and ordinary in every way; nevertheless, he has many dreams. However, every time he tries, he fails; he is disappointed, but tries again, exploring other dreams. In this way he creates his own colourful world. He lives his life simply and naturally. He is not perfect, but his attitude towards life, namely of never giving up, makes him a popular character.
The name McDull actually has a story itself. When Mrs Mak was going to give birth to McDull, she saw a magical plastic basin (pronounced roughly as "dull" in Cantonese) flying over her head. Believing it a sign from the gods, she named her son as "Dull". In Kung Fu Ding ding dong we also find out why he is not smart. When Mcdull was still a baby Ms Mak sent him to a test on the Mozart effect sadly he was put in the control group and listened to what was said as 'nonsense songs' instead of mozart.

Despite the fact that I don't really know Cantonese, I still like McDull.

Gloomy

2009-11-03T14:35:00.003+08:00

As the dark clouds loom over the city,

fluffy white clouds are disappearing,

trees are swaying,

thunder is rumbling,

rain drops are falling,

umbrellas are opening.

I don't like rainy days.

It's gloomy.

Invi(n)s[c]ible

Thoughts recorder

This. Fear. Inside. Me.

大人，小孩；珍惜。

Off my mind

噢我的偶像。

舞台上的聚光灯

我是一颗球

滞

双刃＂手＂

多一个偶像？！

追什么？

A step at a time

circumstances

stagnation

idolising

Same but different

Listen to the absolute silence

short update!

Make the act of helping a past tense, not the thought.

1439 Minutes of Silence

fallen barricades and an inspired me

pre-speech day

Everchanging

How much are you worth?

Today is so awesome it deserves a blog entry

Inky cells

插班生迷你音乐会

The Happy and the Not-So-Happy Things of CNY

sun and the air-con

Open your eyes

Euphoria 2011

Serangoon Swing 2011 with RBKD

Short films

Beats of the Beadies

Hairy issues

Soundproof

插班生-《逞强》MV

Up to you

Struggle

I don't know what to use as title

其实

Tiny pixels making the world

摇到外婆家 Part N

Bubble of electrons

Words

HEYLO EVEREEBARDEE

你的朋友 我的朋友 朋友？

Happy Meal Happy Me

插班生-《人生實驗課》

The Foolscap Doodles

Chances

Invisible

Unnoticed

Play against

Behind

Of Dreams, Passion, Talent, and Opportunities.

Away from old memories.

On the mountaintop I

Don't press refresh

Talking to Zi Lei

习惯了

With You

Ding!

Exams Drama Idol

Pages from the past

The dates above

Exam-mode? No.

Speech Day 2010

Now you see it, now you don't

are you that kite, waiting for the flight?

Until 0000

Wow that's a great amplifier!

that kite in my hand

Experiencing life

Thinking about it. Writing it down.

Rui En @ Birthday Gathering 2010

Hi peeps!

New Year Resolutions

Goodbye 2009!

你的朋友我的朋友朋友？